Forsaken

My Faults are on a projector that plays constant in my mind, The waters rising steady making it impossible to unwind. Medication tastes like failure as it dances past my tongue I'm suffocating from the toxins that are burning through my lungs, I lay in the bathtub and I watch from just below the surface, looking through the haze wondering if all of this is worth it.... I watch the bubbles and I count them as I hold my breath, I wonder what would happen if I silently slipped into my death. It's like my mind is aching for a slumber that is always out of reach, I coming up gasping for air but I resist the urge to breathe. I know that this is wrong but I Cant shake the dreams, My demons whisper sweet lies of a place where I'm at ease. I tried to follow their caress once and i woke up heavyhearted. How could I just walk away from the family that I've started?! I feel the water as it cascades over scars of failure and down my thighs There's a Girl who lives inside me who wants nothing more than to die. I silence her with music that flows through my veins when i write, but lately words are scrambled and nothing comes out right. I stumble over lyrics that used to come to in waves, Now as i stand within the current I am shaking and afraid. I HATE Doctors Who Say "Tell me again how you feel" How do i describe that sometimes this life doesn't seem real? I trace over my words to make sure their really on the page, I chase shadows from my mind because they want me fade away. I don't know what to do and i don't know how to make you see, That I'm fighting a battle and here is not where i want to be... I know your here for me i can't explain why I'm breaking. I feel trapped inside my mind, I feel lost and forsaken.