Forgive Me For My Honesty

Can you forgive me for my honesty? I speak about my pain but try to do it comically I don't need you to crown me or honour me I'm just trying to correct my mistakes and act responsibly Do you hate me?, do you love me? Do you want to fight me?, do you want to punch me? Do you want to push me?, do you want to hug me Just a few questions I ask the man in the mirror daily My mind has been getting less clearer lately I was always the first to blame myself For all the hurt and pain I felt Battling suicidal thoughts, but I'm trying not to Kurt Cobain myself I'm tired of being judged I just want to be free Anxiety so I barely leave the house, friends don't understand why they never see me Forces me to over think and worry about something that's not happening until next month I drink in moderation, I don't like to get drunk Depression hits me harder than Mayweather's best punch I don't have any kids and I'm not sure if I want any either Dated many girls but Haven't found one keeper I pushed Chantal away due to depression Now I'm better and willing to do anything for her She doesn't want to know, and I've had to come to that acceptance If I could go back, I'd have got help for my depression quicker and gave a ring to her I'd have tried harder, but instead I thought I need my pride Bed hopped so much, that most places I go now, I need a disguise The truth is, every girl I slept with was there to complete the lie The lie that I was okay and doing fine The lie that my scars had healed and I'd got better this time The lie that I had new girls so she wasn't on my mind The truth is, people will probably think I'm a womanizer from these rhymes Let me continue being honest, I guess I have been They say honesty is the best policy, so you shouldn't get mad then I can fake smile for my depression, but I can't write a happy poem with a sad pen I thought seeing them naked and sex would be the cure Turns out that I needed a hug and kindness more Why is it, if I fight depression back, it's my blood on the floor? I'm battling my demons and trying to improve my living Should I have hid this?, can my honesty be forgiven?