For Once

For once, to love - i wanted, To be loved back. This wish was overwhelming, i admit. There was a time of desperately looking For someone, who could get my cold heart lit. Time flew, the thought Of never finding person, Whose inner world would match itself with mine Devoured me, and every other evening Would slowly transfer into sleepless night. The neverending worry, The disturbance, They rent my mind likewise a rusty knife. The feel of unaccomplishable mission, It never let me live my own life. I roamed around, and looked for That one special, I was in search of basic understand, Of willing to commit, as much as i would, However, having nothing in the end. It took a year, however, Quite a long while. That time would gift me worthy note to take: That claiming "finding person" is a mission Turned out to be a perishing mistake. I left my tries, abandoned All my effort. At nights of no sleep all i could think of, A thought, that through eternal time existence, Would never i get the idea of love. Time went, i moved along, My life was steady, Any big deal - not worse, than morning clock. And when i suddenly first met her on my way home, The wall, that kept me calm - in shards, it broke. Losing myself, losing Control, and temper, For acting here was out of my eyesight. It killed me after, in the later future. Now only, understood i was not right. The easy way to learn - Mistakes of others - Has never worked in such a gentle play. When making step's like walking through the mine field, You know that you are doing it wrong way. The end. All calm. At least, Making it look like. Inside of me, it burns like in the stove. For once, to love - i wanted, to be loved back, Though never getting the idea of love. -Elm Walks, 2016