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5/15/2026 for Conspiracy Theories Poetry Contest sponsored by Suzette Richards

Premiere Contest WinnerFlat Earth Ruminations

they can't slip one past me
intellectuals, smarty-pantses
I know what my eyes can see
it's ninth grade geometry
good thing pilots and sailors know 
the top of the earth is flat
I'm not sure about the bottom
where the roots hang through
on top, there's a hemisphere
that's where you see the sun and moon
why don't they bump?
only God knows
9th grade geometry works on a flat surface
Horace Greeley said it 
go west like Magellan
circumnavigate the world
you end up in the same place
you avoid the edge
where monsters be
you've gone in a wide circle
I live in the center of the world
and cut a smaller circle
only thing I haven't figured out 
what keeps the ocean water
from draining off the edge?
Copyright © | Year Posted 2026

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Rodrigues Avatar
June 23, 2026 at 9:17 AM
Enjoyed this whimsical poem…perhaps the roots soak up the excess water…lol Congrats!
Crandall Avatar
June 23, 2026 at 4:30 PM
haha, yep, could be!
Peck Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 12:53 PM
Peck Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 12:52 PM
Great poem! Your last stanza about water draining off the edge. I wondered, too, and they sell a really big sponge now for exactly that purpose. So now no one has to worry. Great, huh. Congrats on your big win!
Crandall Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 8:52 PM
Thanks, Ann! Sure - a sponge - lol!
Murphy Avatar
June 14, 2026 at 8:11 PM
Bravo! That free verse is awesome. Congratulations!
Crandall Avatar
June 16, 2026 at 7:29 PM
Thanks, Mary!
Dietrich Avatar
June 14, 2026 at 12:53 PM
It's the ice wall going all around keeping the oceans in place. Come on , you should know that. Hahahaha Wow, this is really good, David. You are one of the cleverest writers of humor here . It's wonderful you got this trophy win. This is just how to write this type of satirical poetry. Congrats
Crandall Avatar
June 14, 2026 at 7:10 PM
Thanks, Andrea. It's actually kind of fun to start with such a strange premise and try to imagine ways to make sense of it.
Richards Avatar
June 14, 2026 at 12:25 AM
Congratulations, David, on your trophy win in my Conspiracy Theories contest with this convincing satirical piece. Satire isn’t just about being quirky or humorous; it’s about sharpening irony into a blade that exposes absurdity. The free verse flows naturally, culminating in the punchline that brought a smile to my face—it leaves the reader suspended in absurdity rather than delivering a tidy conclusion.
Richards Avatar
June 14, 2026 at 11:22 AM
:)
Crandall Avatar
June 14, 2026 at 10:05 AM
Wow! Thanks, Suzette! I knew my steadfast belief would one day be rewarded - lol!
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