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Feeling Emotions - Am I Abnormal

I’ve found something about myself
	As people do as their lives’ pass
	But I’m scared of what I’ve discovered
	
	I’m scared that I don’t feel emotions as they do
	But only sometimes
	Sometimes I feel them just fine
	Other times I feel too much or too little

	I can watch sad movies and bawl like an infant
	I don’t like sad movies
	I feel too much
	I can get so happy
	Feel so much joy and excitement
        I don’t know what to do with it all

        But
        On the opposite side of the scale

        I can not care at all
        I feel nothing
        Nothing but annoyance and irritation
        Nothing less than hate

        I don’t want to feel like this
        I don’t want to hide this

        I want to care
        I want to be the shoulder they can cry on when they tell me their 
        problems 
        Their concerns
        Their fears

        But I can’t

        I feel as though they are bothersome
        I feel like I couldn’t care less
        I wish they would just shut up!

        Is there something wrong with me?
        Am I abnormal?
        Does this make me less human?
        I have yet to find any answers
        I don’t think I want the answers anymore
        I’m afraid
        So afraid to hear the ‘yes’ from their lips
        As I do in my head

       I don’t like feeling like this
       I don’t want to be like this
       But does that really change anything?
       Does wanting to be different change the fact that I am who I am?
       That I am abnormal?
       That I am less than human?

I want thee answers
But God, I pray I don’t get them

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