Father's day

I wish I had a dad, and it is no easy for me to say this, specially cuz I know most ppl don't like to read things like this... Every father's day reminds me of the fact that I didn't know this man, that he never showed up to say "Hi, I'm here, I kind of care" or something like that...whatever that was... The wounds that come from this damage are huge...I mean, if the man who was supposed to care for you the most didn't at all, then, who would? And the biggest problem is to not to know what to look for, or how does the love of a man feels...so it is very confusing... The girl in me always cries about this, and I wonder if one day that part of me will grow...I mean, I try to help it a lot by allowing my feeling to flow and come out of my system whenever they arise, but I still find some more when another father's day come... I wish I had a face in my mind, someone to love or hate, someone to be thankful for or despise, someone I could say "I want a man like that" or "that is the kind of man I'd never choose"...but instead I have nothing...and nothingness is something very hard to understand...not even I know how to explain it...it is like a second in time which last forever...it is like a drop of dream hanging without string...it is like a mirror in which you cannot see yourself... I wish I had a dad, and that is all what I can say. Jessica