Factoidman and Shallowman - Part 1
[Well, ShallowMan’s ne’er at a loss
for voicing shallow thoughts that gloss.
With trenchant wit he reaps the dross
when seeking sense in applesauce.
But to his aid flies FactoidMan
who always has a Fact at hand;
with him, who needs a whether-man
to answer “if?” or “but?” or “and?”?]
FM
“Oh ShallowMan, let me explain
the Facts of life to you, so plain,
yet flush with truthful thoughts arcane.
When understood, you won’t maintain
that callowness you think urbane.”
SM
“Oh FactoidMan, give benedictions,
save me from all contradictions
with your knowledge, no restrictions
finding Facts, avoiding fictions.”
FM
“Well, when in doubt, you always may
request my help to find your way
through shades of black and white and gray,
and from the Facts you’ll never stray.
Yes, ShallowMan, I’ll make your day.”
SM
“Since yesteryear I’ve wondered why
I’m served a piece of humble pie
whene’er attempting to descry
just what’s a Fact, and what’s a lie,
and which be Facts one can’t deny.
With candor, can you edify
me with some recondite reply?”
FM
“Well, as you know, my Facts are Facts
which naught nor nothing counteracts
and things that do, mere artifacts
in dim myopic cataracts.”
“A lie’s a thing which disagrees
with Facts I utter, if you please,
and hides the forest from the trees
ignoring all my verities.”
“And this reminds me of my youth,
with axioms defined as truth
which I selected as a sleuth
(abetted by a sweet vermouth);
I being now so long of tooth,
to contradict me’s hardly couth.”
SM
“That certainly helps me clarify
whom I can trust: yeah, you’re the guy!
Now, furthermore I’ve wondered why
the moon can’t fall and clouds can fly.
What’s called that law those facts defy?
And mightn’t I just give a try
to make a guess to verify?”
FM
“If you link your facts to law
(ah, please excuse a gruff guffaw)
you’ll certainly flaunt a flimsy flaw
that strains belief and breaks the straw
of what you’ve heard and thought you saw.
(I‘ll leave you with some bones to gnaw
that leave you holding me in awe
when once you’ve grasped and gasped ‘aha’).
So tell me now your ideas, raw,
but keep it short, your blah, blah, blah.”
SM
“Umm, could it be just gravity
(well, something like a theory
that some call Relativity)
which pulls the apple from the tree
and puts a strain upon my knee;
or is that fact absurdity?”
FM
“Ahem, a theory’s just a theory,
not a Fact, it’s all so eerie,
something which should make you leery
as explained until I’m weary.”
SM
“If Relativity’s a theory,
and a theory’s not a Fact,
is it a fiction I can query
when I’m falling, ere I’m whacked?”
FM
“Though theories might be based on Fact,
a theory is, in fact, not backed
by any cause, effect or act
which might be salvaged when attacked.
For you, this Fact may seem abstract,
plumb depths where shallow thoughts distract.”
“Yes, what goes up must soon come down
is quite a Fact of world renown.
But theory’s just a heathen gown
to deck the naked King in town,
and when he falls, he breaks his crown
which leaves him wearing but a frown.”
“It surely should be obvious,
the property of Heaviness
(like Godliness and Heaven-ness)
defines the cosmic edifice,
refuting Newton’s flakiness
and Einstein’s spooky emphasis
on space-time’s 4-D flimsiness.
Yes, Facts like these are copious
(I count them with my abacus);
to argue would be blasphemous
displaying mental barrenness
about the push and pulling stress
when bouncing balls rebound, unless
one views elastic laziness
as evil Satan’s stubbornness.”
SM
“Well now I think I understand,
that gravity seems somewhat grand,
but’s just, in fact, a rubber band
that stretches through our earth-bound-land
constricting us when we expand.”
FM
“Yes, ShallowMan, you finally got it,
just as I’ve long preached and taught it.
I’m so happy that you’ve bought it.
(Not a question nor an audit -
you’re so shallow, who’d have thought it?)”
[Once ShallowMan dipped into science
seeking FactoidMan’s alliance
gaining, hence, a strong reliance
on the Facts and their appliance,
Justifying strong compliance,
turning down those in defiance.
SM
“Hey, FactoidMan, another topic
leaves me reeling, gyroscopic,
dealing with the microscopic
in a world kaleidoscopic.”
“Within the realm of vacuum loops
Dark Energy in quantum soups
of anti-matter sometimes swoops
across inflation’s Big Bang stoops
where space-time ends and matter droops.
Do you believe, or just the dupes?
FM
“It’s nothing but a passing phase,
(a theory that in fact betrays
obscure occult communiqués
that fevered fantasy conveys)
of those who thump creation days.
Just check! The vacuum state portrays
perfection in your shallow ways
reflected in that vacant gaze
you cast upon the dossiers
of all my Facts that so amaze.”
SM
“And what about the quantum theory?
Particles not hard but smeary,
just like waves? It’s kinda eerie!
Facts could not be quite so bleary
leaving Bohr, well, sad and teary.
FactoidMan, just tell me, dearie,
what the Facts are, bright or dreary.”
“And then again what are those holes
(as black as ravens bathed in coals)
wherein the past and future strolls
exploiting fields that Higgs controls
beneath the shady shallow shoals
between magnetic monopoles.”
FM
“The science lab’s a ‘fact’ory
concocting stuff that cannot be
(like unknown realms and notably
those tiny things NoMan can see
with naked eye on bended knee
neath microscopic scrutiny)
and claim they’ve found reality;
they call their god a ‘Theo’ry
(a fig-ment of the Yum-Yum tree)
that leads them to hyperbole
about the singularity
that’s dipped in dazed duplicity
denying all eternity.”
“Here’s my advice that seems to work:
ignore the ones with ‘facts’ that lurk
behind their ‘proofs’ (which always irk),
and being challenged have the quirk
of stepping back within the murk
(indulged, I chuckle, smile or smirk).”
Cont. in part 2
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