Existence Meaningless

this existence is meaningless i don’t understand i don’t understand why me? the cliché echoes in empty air but is amplified in my soul as no other question holds such validity as this. this existence is meaningless i am out of control the tears that seem to be perpetually running down my cheeks i don’t even feel their dampness on my skin they just reabsorb and recycle back into more tears a loop never-ending and vicious giving no relief from the constriction in my throat and chest not even to breathe this existence is meaningless and this small apartment seems to close in around me compressing my thoughts into a ball hardly recognizable, hardly coherent except a call of help except a scream of pain to which there is no answer except resounding silence. this existence is meaningless i lose my grip on reality as the world falls away and all i can see is the people the hot burning gas of stars burning brightly brightly laughing at me as i spin quickly into oblivion. this existence is meaningless “I sword to God that I’d never be What I’ve become” and yet my faith as if i had any to begin with has faded in the background of my life i cannot tell anymore between happiness and sadness they say you need one to have the other but they both feel the same to me now. this existence is meaningless “Nobody’s home Broken inside” i hear words sung and hear thoughts mimicked or recognize their repetition in everything i see what comes through my senses is filtered through the lens my mind puts up drunk and staggering on toxic tears. this existence is meaningless i am held but feel not the arms around me i am immune to the love rained down on me it rolls off discarded in a pool at my feet and my wall to the outside is not permeable i can see out but no one can see in and nothing comes through to effect or change the bitter turn my heart has taken i am walking now on a path that moves underneath me so that i go nowhere even if i run the only place i reach is the ground as i collapse from exhaustion. this existence is meaningless and no matter how hard i try to find a point this life i lead doesn’t lend itself to questioning and so stays mute while i am left with a sinking feeling that things will never change.