Everything

Knots in my tummy checking my phone every 5 min's. Pressing the call button but end before it can ring. Hope to get over you, but it seems I can't. I want to hate you, but it seems my heart won't let me. Listening to our song over and over. I want to cry. I want to let it out. I want to tell you the truth. But what would you think of me then? I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I messed every thing up. I'm sorry I couldn't forgive you. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you wanted. I couldn't let my wall down. I couldn't let you in. I tried to let you have it all. I tried to let you be the one. I tried to tell you so many times. I thought I could do this. I thought our friendship could last. I swore I would never love. I swore I couldn't trust. I swore I would hate. I swore I couldn't cry. I swore this wouldn't be about you. I'm telling you I love you. I'm telling you I hate you. I'm telling you I need you. I'm telling you, you can have me. I'm not saying goodbye. I'm not giving up. I'm not losing you. Because this is just hello. Because this is just the start. Because I know deep down I still have you.