Envy

ENVY (Words inspired by Casarah) Our faces are turned toward Bangkok That buzzing hive of humanity Where folk brush against each other As they twirl and dance In an effort to maintain direction Not that we were going to Bangkok Not that we were currently going anywhere We sit defeated Restraining our combustion engine horses Their promise fuelled motors straining Wanting to accelerate into freedom A few fleeting moments Before being reined in again By the brakes Unlike those in the north bound lanes Unlike those with a clear path before them Piloting their roaring beasts Who revel in their delight Eating up empty kilos of asphalt In their haste toward a distant destination A cosy castle or a sweet vacation

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Paul Callus

Date: 3/22/2017 10:23:00 AM

Hi Scott...I've just been linked to this via twitter. Having only read the final version I can safely declare that I see no reason for any further change. It is a cleverly written poem, reflecting a feeling of unenviable hopelessness! #7 Regards paul

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 2/25/2017 9:09:00 AM

Enjoyable to reread this one Scott.

Joe Maverick

Date: 8/20/2016 12:59:00 AM

Enjoyed the read Scott, maybe I'll post something at some stage, my mind can't be on it at the moment.' All the best.)

Kai Michael Neumann

Date: 8/2/2016 3:39:00 AM

I like your take on envy. It is often the comparatively little things that spark us off. Your poem is thoughtful and made me think. Kilos of asphalt in the bigger picture is nothing at all and yet represents so much destruction caused by greed and envy. This is well written.

Bl Devnath

Date: 7/29/2016 12:24:00 PM

Very deeply penned my friend. A 7. Hugs, Cloudy Poet

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 7/27/2016 5:09:00 AM

Scott, I think your poem is very clear. The minute you mention brakes turns horses into horse power. I didn't read this before your changes, but I love the exasperation you convey of being stuck in traffic, envying cars in the other lane moving smoothly. It happens here all the time after work. I love the sense of passion within this piece. Can road rage be far off? Brilliant! 7 ; )

Len Gasun

Date: 7/20/2016 8:44:00 AM

Well written and thought provoking poem my dear friend, scott. Thanks a lot for sharing and chok dee duai ka.

Gary Bateman

Date: 7/6/2016 12:31:00 PM

Scott, This is a really interesting poem indeed. Cas gave you some great ideas to work with here. This type of imagery as you've employed it so artfully here, makes for a very compelling and powerful write. Excellent Work!! "7" Cheers and Best, Gary

Harry Horsman

Date: 7/3/2016 4:02:00 PM

Hey this is awesome Scott, love it...

Jack Horne

Date: 7/2/2016 5:32:00 PM

yes, it works very well for me, mate - very thought provoking & thoughtful. sure, feel free to tweet any of my stuff - no need to ask. have a great weekend

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 6/30/2016 9:05:00 AM

Not that we are going to Bangkok. Not that we are going anywhere. This puts your thoughts in the present tense. I do like the feel of this piece. It is well with the additional effort.

Matthew Anish

Date: 6/27/2016 1:07:00 PM

Liked the last two liens especially. Can hear the motors in y head! Peace & Blessings' Matthew Anish

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 6/27/2016 6:01:00 AM

- mile after mile on noisy highways .... smell of warm horsepower .....- Give me a humble cottage by the sea - Great written, Scott - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Casarah Nance

Date: 6/26/2016 7:50:00 PM

excellent Scott, :) hugsxx

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 6/26/2016 10:31:00 AM

Yes, that was improved! Now for one more suggestion: You started in the past tense and went to present in the middle. keep your tense consistent all the way through. Either put it all in the "now" or use past tense all the way through and it will be perfect!

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 6/23/2016 7:45:00 PM

Wow, Casarah sure had lots of ideas for you. I had believed you were describing actual horse carriages but Casarah's way shows it as actual cars. Other than that, i think the rest of it is very clear and I love your ending.

Casarah Nance

Date: 6/23/2016 11:53:00 AM

"Around us an awaiting stampede of horsepower. Engines beg to be unbridled. Anticipation fuels the motor and oil burns. Teased by the touch of acceleration, only to be reigned by the brake petal." I like the idea, the descriptions, hugs x

Scott Thirtyseven
Date: 6/23/2016 7:37:00 PM

Love it, thanks heaps, you've got my mind ticking to a slightly different beat. I'll let you know when it's done.