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Envy

ENVY
(Words inspired by Casarah)

Our faces are turned toward Bangkok
That buzzing hive of humanity
Where folk brush against each other
As they twirl and dance
In an effort to maintain direction

Not that we were going to Bangkok
Not that we were currently going anywhere

We sit defeated
Restraining our combustion engine horses
Their promise fuelled motors straining
Wanting to accelerate into freedom
A few fleeting moments
Before being reined in again
By the brakes

Unlike those in the north bound lanes
Unlike those with a clear path before them

Piloting their roaring beasts
Who revel in their delight
Eating up empty kilos of asphalt
In their haste toward a distant destination
A cosy castle or a sweet vacation

Copyright © Scott Thirtyseven | Year Posted 2016

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Paul Callus Date: 3/22/2017 10:23:00 AM Hi Scott...I've just been linked to this via twitter. Having only read the final version I can safely declare that I see no reason for any further change. It is a cleverly written poem, reflecting a feeling of unenviable hopelessness! #7 Regards paul Login to Reply

Richard Lamoureux Date: 2/25/2017 9:09:00 AM Enjoyable to reread this one Scott. Login to Reply

Joe Maverick Date: 8/20/2016 12:59:00 AM Enjoyed the read Scott, maybe I'll post something at some stage, my mind can't be on it at the moment.' All the best.) Login to Reply

Kai Michael Neumann Date: 8/2/2016 3:39:00 AM I like your take on envy. It is often the comparatively little things that spark us off. Your poem is thoughtful and made me think. Kilos of asphalt in the bigger picture is nothing at all and yet represents so much destruction caused by greed and envy. This is well written. Login to Reply

Bl Devnath Date: 7/29/2016 12:24:00 PM Very deeply penned my friend. A 7. Hugs, Cloudy Poet Login to Reply

Connie Marcum Wong Date: 7/27/2016 5:09:00 AM Scott, I think your poem is very clear. The minute you mention brakes turns horses into horse power. I didn't read this before your changes, but I love the exasperation you convey of being stuck in traffic, envying cars in the other lane moving smoothly. It happens here all the time after work. I love the sense of passion within this piece. Can road rage be far off? Brilliant! 7 ; ) Login to Reply

Len Gasun Date: 7/20/2016 8:44:00 AM Well written and thought provoking poem my dear friend, scott. Thanks a lot for sharing and chok dee duai ka. Login to Reply

Gary Bateman Date: 7/6/2016 12:31:00 PM Scott, This is a really interesting poem indeed. Cas gave you some great ideas to work with here. This type of imagery as you've employed it so artfully here, makes for a very compelling and powerful write. Excellent Work!! "7" Cheers and Best, Gary Login to Reply

Harry Horsman Date: 7/3/2016 4:02:00 PM Hey this is awesome Scott, love it... Login to Reply

Jack Horne Date: 7/2/2016 5:32:00 PM yes, it works very well for me, mate - very thought provoking & thoughtful. sure, feel free to tweet any of my stuff - no need to ask. have a great weekend Login to Reply

Richard Lamoureux Date: 6/30/2016 9:05:00 AM Not that we are going to Bangkok. Not that we are going anywhere. This puts your thoughts in the present tense. I do like the feel of this piece. It is well with the additional effort. Login to Reply

Matthew Anish Date: 6/27/2016 1:07:00 PM Liked the last two liens especially. Can hear the motors in y head! Peace & Blessings' Matthew Anish Login to Reply

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 6/27/2016 6:01:00 AM - mile after mile on noisy highways .... smell of warm horsepower .....- Give me a humble cottage by the sea - Great written, Scott - hugs // Anne-Lise :) Login to Reply

Casarah Nance Date: 6/26/2016 7:50:00 PM excellent Scott, :) hugsxx Login to Reply

Andrea Dietrich Date: 6/26/2016 10:31:00 AM Yes, that was improved! Now for one more suggestion: You started in the past tense and went to present in the middle. keep your tense consistent all the way through. Either put it all in the "now" or use past tense all the way through and it will be perfect! Login to Reply

Andrea Dietrich Date: 6/23/2016 7:45:00 PM Wow, Casarah sure had lots of ideas for you. I had believed you were describing actual horse carriages but Casarah's way shows it as actual cars. Other than that, i think the rest of it is very clear and I love your ending. Login to Reply

Casarah Nance Date: 6/23/2016 11:53:00 AM "Around us an awaiting stampede of horsepower. Engines beg to be unbridled. Anticipation fuels the motor and oil burns. Teased by the touch of acceleration, only to be reigned by the brake petal." I like the idea, the descriptions, hugs x Login to Reply Scott Thirtyseven Date: 6/23/2016 7:37:00 PM Love it, thanks heaps, you've got my mind ticking to a slightly different beat. I'll let you know when it's done.