Enough Is Enough

Seriously when will it, that, I EVER be enough? I have had just enough. I never feel good enough to run a race to win first place and actually believe I earned the happiness and warm embrace. I always feel like I don't deserve it, so anything I have can and will be quickly reversed. It's this sick game the universe has been playing with my life. This game of tennis with the thoughts of I don't deserve this, or maybe just this time? I am scared to feel happiness because I know it will be ripped away, as it never feels like mine. Seriously, enough is enough over and over endless time. Again, with these intrusive feelings, why don't they feel like mine? The ones that are always there to remind me, I will never work hard or long enough to bathe in what I have earned. Geez universe, don't you think I have done my time with this uneasy way I have been living most of this life? I need to just be at ease for one mere moment, please. I want to know if the rug I stand on won't be ripped from under me. Me, I am it, they, what, that is making me feel and think this way. Really, is it just that easy to manifest good thoughts every day? Some believe in that way, so my mother sends me biblical verses to save my soul because she fears my negative thoughts will take control, rip away my innocence and devour me whole. Enough is enough I have just had it up to my eyes. I won't believe all of what I hear, I need to trust my internal sight. Get my soul compass back to its position, The Guide. Remember, the plenty I have worked hard for and yes, it is mine. I often repeat this chant, it's now become a sort of mantra of mine. Mine, I, Me. Enough, now until the end of my earthly spent time. I am enough, and my life is mine.