Engrained To Shred and Become a New Me

Everyday I used to wake up and need weed, 
and I mean agonizingly ache tensing as I seek
consuming my mind, just one goal to achieve 
nothing but this everyday on repeat 

once I succeed I'd chain smoke until I sleep 
wake up in the morning tired and grumpy 
slug through the day until I could smoke free 
living with one thought that never did cease 

no thought of the future or what I could be 
never aiming to progress or climb up the tree 
just happy at the bottom living blindly 
unambitious and thoughtless defining me 

I was made to think talent and brains succeed 
my god I was wrong, so very wrong indeed 
what idiot taught me to accept I can't lead 
and to follow instructions living happy beneath 

I watched some right tools move up cause they reached 
the unqualified with their brains like a peach 
calamity leaders present as they want to be seen 
sucking up yes men and the second human centipede 

I now know pure ignorance forms solid self belief 
and narcissistic right can perch your balcony 
high up beyond where your talent can reach 
and minds blag it better if they're addiction free 

so why in the hell did I turn to the weed? 
mother raised me to think I can't achieve 
now I'm under tools who have taken the lead 
and I'm chasing addictions being all I can be 

growing up to 18 and taking 18 to be free 
I'm 36 now and all addictions have ceased 
along with the mindset that my mother did teach 
a bit slow but ambitious and I'm done with defeat 

when you have addictions they are all you can see 
and you'll have addictions if you belong underneath 
now I'm unlearning what was engrained within me 
the idea of failure being my only way to succeed 

I was taught to be nothing and that's what I become 
you may be a mother but you're not fit to be a mum 
after raising your child with the belief he is dumb 
no longer aimless, addicted, suicidal and numb 

The lesson is encourage and just give it ago 
so what if kids fail, it's the way people grow 
don't fear your kids failure and make them aim low 
if you learn why you fail it's then knowledge you know 

mum you want me to need you and hold the hand on your arm 
want me beside you, the kid you control with your palm 
teach me to need you raising the anxiety alarm 
it's really cruel how your selfish need allows you to harm 

get out of my life, you have no child at all 
I think I'll attempt being successful 
you keep your negative that encouraged my fall 
you made me believe I could be bugger all

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021



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