Edith's Hefty Handbag

Edith had been suffering from shoulder pain She'd developed a stoop and only her left shoulder would sag When she went to see her doctor He put all the blame on her weighty handbag One afternoon she had time to spare So she decided to empty it out Anything that wasn’t essential She would leave it out, without a doubt When she tipped it out on the table She got the shock of her life The numerous items were too many to mention No wonder shoulder pain was causing her strife Firstly, there was a packet of extra strong mints That she’d been given by a friend The best before date was twelve months ago The packet had been left open at one end She was rather partial to a mint So she thought she’d try her luck But the minty taste was no longer there So she spat it out after a single suck Next she found a mirror With a picture of Marilyn Monroe on the back She held it up to look into it Her reflection was fractured by a diagonal hairline crack She’d bought it several years ago At a local jumble sale First time she’d prised it open She’d broken a false nail Her cellphone had seen better days She’d bought it for a tenner off her friend Sherry Sherry had bought the latest i-phone So she’d sold Edith her dated Blackberry A make-up kit with brushes Had really seen better days The brushes were missing half their bristles And the orange powder harked back to her ‘Tangoed’ phase She has quite a few credit cards Including Barclaycard, Visa and American Express With only stubs left in her cheque book She’s spending more instead of less There’s an assortment of loose change Two and one pound coins and pence If she pays her bus fare with too much She knows the driver will take offense She has a lipstick-shaped cigarette lighter That someone gave her for a joke She just keeps it as a souvenir Because she doesn't smoke There’s a USB drive, mp3 player and scrunchies for her hair Tissues, gum and diary she didn’t know were there Then there’s sunglasses, lipstick and numerous feet of dental floss Hand sanitizer, address book, medication And a bottle of perfume she got from her ex-boss Edith looks at the table-full And only puts essentials back in her bag The bag feels so much lighter No longer will her shoulder sag She went out for a walk the following day No more pain in her shoulder Her neighbour noticed the spring in her step “I've de-cluttered my handbag” she told her