Eccedentesiast
Eccedentesiast
Someone who hides pain behind a smile
Someone who laughs at jokes they don’t find funny
Just to see if the sound is still believable
Someone who muffles her sobs
because her mother is sleeping
Because she cannot bear the sight of her mother’s worried eyes on her yet again
Someone who puts on makeup
to hide her red rimmed eyes
To pretend she was worrying about her looks rather than her heart
Someone who loves smiley face stickers
because maybe that would make hers a little more real
maybe that would distract them from the fact that her smile was fading
that her composure was breaking
maybe the stickers could mend the cracks in her heart
I can’t do that
I don’t remember what it’s like to laugh
For I am too exhausted to move the useless muscles
My sobs are too loud to be muffled by my pillows
And I curse myself for the crease in my mother’s brows
For ache that is sure to settle in her chest
With mascara running down my cheeks
No makeup in the world could fix the ugliness that lies within me
The stickers are tearing along with my heart
The more I stick on the faker I feel
Who am I kidding?
I am not an eccedentesiast
I cannot hide my pain behind a smile
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