Get Your Premium Membership

Duplex

You trod over frosted farmland upon your brow was ice and I felt your mind and knew your heart and that was a sad device Smoked out your life widowed your wife you'll not have that daughter fair nor dark haired son to toss up midair I dropped you there from my dark lair my sight was true I shot you through bid you adieu for you wore green while I wore blue
December 6, 2016 For the 'DUPLEX - Poetry Contest' - sponsored by Jan Allison

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 12/10/2016 7:58:00 PM
DOUGGGGGGGG what happened ... this wasn't entered in the contest!!!! I've just come across it when I was looking down your poems to reciprocate you commenting on one of my poems :-(:-( :-( I will put up a new contest so hopefully you will write a new one for that:-(:-( hugs jan xx
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/10/2016 8:22:00 PM
I guess I'm the hopelessly flawed painter who gets drunk and puts his foot through his painting in the night, Jan. Must have just not entered it into the contest after submitting it to the PoetrySoup website. Thought I had.... Oh well, I have more tea and coffee and booze. : )
Date: 12/8/2016 3:35:00 PM
This is a beautifully somber poem on the lament of love lost in a frosted landscape Doug. The first segment creates strong sentiment and imagery. I like how you reversed the perceptions in the heart and mind...J.A.B.
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/8/2016 11:50:00 PM
Thanks, Justin. Thinking of those instants of war, one of which is "He's just a boy like me."
Date: 12/8/2016 1:15:00 PM
The beginning of the poem drew me in, the second stanza puzzled me, the third made it clear. Well told story, Doug, and I especially like how subtly you work with the rhyme. Good luck in the contest.
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/8/2016 1:37:00 PM
Thank you, Agnes. : ) Is the randomness we see an illusion?
Date: 12/8/2016 10:39:00 AM
Hooshki Booshki! Makes me look over my shoulder whilst I wander. You've got duplicity right in the crosshairs amigo. Three wowsas and a shudder! cheerelles ~ j
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/8/2016 12:03:00 PM
Now that I think of it, the lesson may just be that's it not easy being green.
Date: 12/8/2016 9:46:00 AM
A deep and dark tale from the sniper's lair...well written...
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/8/2016 11:59:00 AM
Thank you, Joseph.
Date: 12/7/2016 3:53:00 PM
Doug, I felt so silly after I said that to you. Yes, I was thinking backwards. I tried so hard to make mine fit 20 words or less. hahaha. Now I feel good because I could go and extend my story a bit!!
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 4:06:00 PM
: ) All's well, Andrea. I wouldn't go and use the word "moist" like 7 or 8 times though - lots of people hate that one.
Date: 12/7/2016 12:37:00 PM
the die is cast; so deeply scribed with a sense of foreboding... incredible write, doug!..huggs
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 2:23:00 PM
From air and darkness, can we get real-world colors? Thank you, (((Nette))).
Date: 12/7/2016 5:13:00 AM
A moving and intriguing take on the subject matter, there's much emptiness between the lines. Good luck Doug.
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 8:26:00 AM
Paloma, you know that concept of an atom being the small, compact nucleus, with the tiny electrons orbiting at vast distances. Lots of room for thought in there. : )
Date: 12/7/2016 1:22:00 AM
THIS! It's fantastic Doug, a7 and fave from me. Good luck in the contest :)
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 2:18:00 PM
(Just kidding.) Cheers, Darren. : )
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 2:17:00 PM
Translated: "Thank you, yes, I want blue chicken sky with you." -- I don't get it....
White Avatar
Darren White
Date: 12/7/2016 12:15:00 PM
Dank je, ja! Alsjeblieft (translate that ;) )
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 8:24:00 AM
Dank je, my friend from across the sea.
Date: 12/7/2016 12:31:00 AM
wow, Doug. what an impact this has for the horror of war. I love it. one problem. Read her rules. I think it's minimum 20 lines
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 8:06:00 AM
Hi Andrea. : ) Indeed, "Minimum of 20 lines." I think we are so used to seeing the length of contest submissions being capped on the upper end - and not without good reason ; ) - that this 'Duplex' is a new world. Or is that 2 new worlds? Jan's example poem was 24 lines long. : P
Date: 12/6/2016 8:53:00 PM
Very cryptic poem, Doug. The imagery is masterfully written. Very concise, very thought provoking. An excellent poem on so many levels. Love it though. Much love to you.
Login to Reply
Vinson Avatar
Doug Vinson
Date: 12/7/2016 8:00:00 AM
Wow, that is one heck of a comment, RW. Thank you so much, my friend. Especially at this time of year, I think that if everybody on earth would just sit down and write a poem, things would be better. Or if they even just wrote something....