Don'T Let Me Die Without

Don't let me die without writing this first I'm fighting the hurt Bleeding with ink, crying with words Let me write this before I'm lying in dirt Don't take this as a suicide note, but tomorrow isn't promised Take it as just another poem I wrote, but even more honest When it comes to my family, I don't miss them at all Growing up in foster care, I would wish for a call Never got one, traveling through the storm, without an arm around me Battling demons as a youngster, the scars found me I cried on the page so much that my art drowns me That was a below average line from me, I should have erased it I should have spent more time on it and been more creative But i still hope my loved ones take my Words as kisses and hugs I was an emotional wreck, and couldn't fulfill your wishes for love Depression tortured me and forced me into self-loathing Made to re-open every wound i felt closing Depression telling me i deserve to Bleed more Kept my self-harming ways a secret for a year and a half, what would I Speak for? People talking about the stars i was unable to Reach for Made it 5 years clean from self-harm, so some of my battles I've won But when my travels are done And i come down to my last days And my heartbeat starts dropping at a fast rate No longer able to correct my past mistakes My Mind goes black Memories being erased The green line goes flat I No longer have the energy it takes The weight of the world removes from my shoulders Friends reading through my folders So many rhymes wrote, crying over Depression, anxiety, heartbreak and being bipolar I needed saving, but the angels didn't fly closer You'll see i'm not as strong as you think My poetry will show where I went wrong with the ink I apologize to my exes, I shouldn't have put their names in a verse I should have left them anonymous when I wrote about our pain and the hurt Rebecca, Zoe, TJ, Stacey, Kirstie, Katie and Chantal I've used your names without permission If I could go back, I'd write something different I'm not asking you to forgive or to understand I hope you all found happiness, because Meg came along and made me a one woman man Wishing I had enough strength to grasp her hand Give her a kiss and hug her Find the strength to tell her I love her We all have dream girls, but never did I think I'd meet her Never been scared of death, but I don't want to leave her If my time comes, please don't cry, read these words and see how much you meant to me You're the greatest gift that's been sent to me People die daily, and I don't plan on going But just in case my time comes, I had to write this poem