Dissociation

My body is here, yet I'm not My thoughts are lost in a distant thought To a place that's dark and lonely Where I'm safe from the world's disarray A place where I can hide and be free From the chaos and uncertainty I watch as a mere spectator To my own life, a mere spectator It's a strange feeling, you see To be aware of the present, yet not really be Floating through existence, in a state of confusion A coping mechanism, to avoid any illusion My heart beats faster, but my mind slows down Everything seems foreign, like an unfamiliar town The only thing I know for sure Is that I'm out of range, I can't endure I try to make sense of what's happening to me But it's hard to explain, for others to see The fog that obscures my vision Making it feel like a difficult mission I long to feel connected and alive But dissociation is a barrier, hard to survive Trapped within these walls, I view my life But I struggle to break free from this endless strife Desperately searching for a way out But I'm stuck in this cycle, filled with doubt Feeling alone and lost, I can't escape This dissociative state, a lingering shape So here I am, my body is present But my mind is floating, far and distant Lost in a world of my own creation Caught in a never-ending dissociative fixation. Written by starrynight October 2023