Dining Out In the Windy City
While dining out, in old Chi town
just David and the Mrs Brown
peruse the menu, ask what's special
the waiter says our turkey pretzel
The Mrs makes an awful face
but Mr says he'd love to taste
how could a salted doughy ring
not be a perfectly tasty thing?
The ring arrives, with side of fries
and Mr can't believe his eyes
it's kind of green, but he has seen
much worse in places he has been
He wolfs it down and wipes his face
he thinks, not bad for this kind of place
but then, he feels a sudden urge
a rush of wind that he must purge
He waddles through the men's room door
and falls upon the grimy floor
he crawls avoiding further falls
and squirms into the nearest stall
At last, he's safe, he thinks at least
to finally loose the gassy beast
but when he lets the big wind go
he finds he's soaked both high and low
The ring, the fries, the gravy too
they cover him in a film of poo
his pants are full, his shirt's a mess
what to do's a futile guess
He hears a voice and in a yelp
he squeaks I could really use some help
the voice says I'm the janitor,
what can I do for you, dear sir?
He tells his tale of windy woe
and out the door the janitor goes
on his return, he had a hose
a towel and some clean dry clothes
Brown comes out and looks around
he's naked now and feels a clown
the janitor then sprays him clean
and helps him in his brand new jeans
The Mrs asked are you all right?
When you crawled off, I had a fright
I warned you not to eat that stuff
you never listen to me enough
Brown looked down, he bit his lip
He paid the check and left a tip
a tip so large, the cashier gasped
she said this question must be asked
Was it the food, the ambience, sir?
Or maybe t'was the hatcheck girl?
I'd like to know, so I can tell
others why you think we're swell
Brown shook his head, he turned and said
I'm lucky now, that I'm not dead
your food's the worst that I have had
and I have had some really bad
Your restaurant's a dirty mess
your hatcheck girl could learn to dress
Your service, though, it is the best
with that, I really am impressed
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