Roses Roses Poet Free verse

Digging, Ravenously, Under, Gods, Story,

I wish I did drugs so I could stop over-dosing on depression and anxiety 
I wish I had some drugs so I could self-medicate because I don't always have the energy to meditate
I think my positivity escaped 
They ask how I'm doing, and I respond great
Knowing damn well my emotions feel like they are always running late 
I know happiness is worth more than money but I still bathe in jealousy of those who base their theme around the C. R. E. A. M. 
Need to be positive and build myself up but my thoughts are so selfish
I'm gonna do it with or without you
Think I talk to myself too much
Internal processing the mess of the world tied with the stress of my mind
But I always tell myself I'm fine
You're fine
Right before the anger gets the best of me
What will it be
I can't see the future, but I act like I've been watching it on a DVD
For years now
And when I fall short of the scene 
I think back to how I wish I was just a little bit taller
Baller of the past
When all I would do was play basketball and watch movies
Movies made cocaine look so cool at times or at least there was a moment of happiness
And that's all I want these days because I think I'm about to crack
Thoughts telling me maybe try lean because I don't really have anyone to lean on
My meth od of coping is not always crystal clear
So, I drink my alcohol on the rocks with my choice of clear
Because the dark liquor takes me too far past my nightmares 
And I just want things to be clear 
Again
I wish God would switch my switch from off 
I'm tired of walking around in the dark 
Scrolling through social media timelines 
I refresh religiously but can't refresh my own life
I wonder if drugs will solve my problems 
Or simply become another problem
So, I ask myself is that temporary happiness really worth the potential consequences?
Because drugs will the best hug that dug a hole in your heart before you can even protect yourself
Revealing the underlying sinister complex of self-justification
That will keep you high for a little only to crash lower than low
Don't give in, don't follow them, I tell myself
p.s. if I can't fit in I'll stand out, side the lines so much that the original transforms...

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I Am Anaya September 30, 2022 at 1:51 PM Dear Post Skriqt, just saw the movie "On The Come Up" the book is by Angie Thomas so let's focus on that for a minute. It is the story of fighting for your dreams, even as the odds are stacked against you; and about how, especially for young black people, freedom of speech isn’t always free. Check it! I enjoyed your free verse! Good writing~I Am Anaya Roses Roses October 11, 2022 at 7:03 PM Thank you, I will definitely check it out!