Digging, Ravenously, Under, Gods, Story,

I wish I did drugs so I could stop over-dosing on depression and anxiety I wish I had some drugs so I could self-medicate because I don't always have the energy to meditate I think my positivity escaped They ask how I'm doing, and I respond great Knowing damn well my emotions feel like they are always running late I know happiness is worth more than money but I still bathe in jealousy of those who base their theme around the C. R. E. A. M. Need to be positive and build myself up but my thoughts are so selfish I'm gonna do it with or without you Think I talk to myself too much Internal processing the mess of the world tied with the stress of my mind But I always tell myself I'm fine You're fine Right before the anger gets the best of me What will it be I can't see the future, but I act like I've been watching it on a DVD For years now And when I fall short of the scene I think back to how I wish I was just a little bit taller Baller of the past When all I would do was play basketball and watch movies Movies made cocaine look so cool at times or at least there was a moment of happiness And that's all I want these days because I think I'm about to crack Thoughts telling me maybe try lean because I don't really have anyone to lean on My meth od of coping is not always crystal clear So, I drink my alcohol on the rocks with my choice of clear Because the dark liquor takes me too far past my nightmares And I just want things to be clear Again I wish God would switch my switch from off I'm tired of walking around in the dark Scrolling through social media timelines I refresh religiously but can't refresh my own life I wonder if drugs will solve my problems Or simply become another problem So, I ask myself is that temporary happiness really worth the potential consequences? Because drugs will the best hug that dug a hole in your heart before you can even protect yourself Revealing the underlying sinister complex of self-justification That will keep you high for a little only to crash lower than low Don't give in, don't follow them, I tell myself p.s. if I can't fit in I'll stand out, side the lines so much that the original transforms...