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Dichromacy

My scarlet lips and painted toes, my glowing cheeks of tender rose, the crimson hue He never knew. My love He cannot see. The green of leaves, the green of trees, the green of envy deep within me; my Love, He cannot see.

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Mark Peterson

Date: 2/15/2014 9:19:00 AM

I enjoyed this and your use of the color blindness term. Another word close to it would also be worthy of a poem: dichroic. In my planetarium special effects work, we used dichroic filters to subtly change the colors of projected images. This yielded a highly satisfying result, as did yours.

Robert Rogers

Date: 2/3/2014 3:33:00 PM

Had to look up the word "Dichromacy" in the dictionary, but once I did this poem made "complete sense"! Very well done! I like this very much, smile//Sinclair

Sophia Valentina
Date: 2/3/2014 7:50:00 PM

Thank you. As I commented below, it juxtaposes color blindness with love unnoticed. The inspiration is simple: I reeeally liked a 'boy' once who I later found out was color blind. I wear blood red lipstick all the time and believe in its allure. When I found out he couldn't see the beautiful color red, all the air left my sails and I was inspired to write this piece. :)

Just That Archaic Poet

Date: 2/3/2014 1:28:00 PM

Gotcha on the last lines; thanks for fixing that little bump. You know, I could use your superior editing skills every once in a while too, especially with the memoirs. I also need more ideas. Remember the, um, "dildo" incident on the lake? I think that might make another funny one, but as my official archivist, I need you to help me dredge up some forgotten anecdotes and adventures, like our UFO and time-traveling experiences lol. And quit using "much appreciated"; that's MY tag line, bish!

Sophia Valentina
Date: 2/3/2014 7:53:00 PM

NO! The within rolls off the tongue better due to the 'green' in the same line. Think about the way the tongue moves in the mouth when saying the line. I know there is a 'hiccup' in the line but don't consider this way. It is intentional. In fact, there I emphasis here because the envy I the first abstract part of the poem...the part not truly visible to the eye, whether colorblind or not.

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/3/2014 1:30:00 PM

Wait, you didn't fix the bump; I was reading the wrong line. Instead of "within", I think "inside" is better, but still really one syllable too long, I think (line 8.)

Just That Archaic Poet

Date: 2/2/2014 2:22:00 AM

Crap; you were right about the apostrophes. Sometimes my mind adds things that are not needed. You have a hiccup on line 8; one syllable too long. I think the repetition of the same last line is more effective in non-rhyme. You should slightly tweak line 9 or make it entirely different. It gives the reader the impression you couldn't come up with something stronger or that you ran out of ideas. Your mail is still turned off, btw

Sophia Valentina
Date: 2/2/2014 12:58:00 PM

Much appreciated. The poem is supposed to represent a parallel between red / green colorblindness and "love unnoticed. Line 5 is supposed to translate that the love she has for the object of her affection is unnoticed. Line nine, through capitalization and different punctuation implies that her "Love", meaning the one she loves cannot physically see. Inspired by former HWPF who I found out was colorblind and couldn't see all my physical efforts to attract him :)

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/2/2014 5:26:00 AM

Just posted a new contest, also.

Scott Thirtyseven

Date: 2/1/2014 6:41:00 PM

Excellent. Your meter and rhythm do not falter.

Sophia Valentina
Date: 2/2/2014 3:52:00 PM

So nice to meet you, Steve. Archaic is a Word Master and my oldest, dearest Friend...although we have our tiffs :). I've been hounding him for YEARS to share his poetry and his memoirs and am sooooo happy to see he's found a constructive outlet and a mesmerized audience, as I have been half my life.

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 2/2/2014 2:25:00 AM

Scott, Sophia is without question the best poet I know. If you think this is good, you can't imagine the treasure trove she is withholding! Sophia, Scott is the "business partner" I mentioned to you. I told him we couldn't make money from poetry, but have since changed my mind and we are working together.