Despair
I wonder
If this knife is sharp enough?
It has to cut deep to sever the vein in my thigh
I have been wondering lately
About death, about dying and of decay
What’s after death anyway . . ?
Does dying hurt, can I make it easier?
If I have a soul will it decay as my body does?
Will it grow old and die?
I wonder lately why I tried
What was it that I was reaching for anyway?
Why did I think it could be found in others?
I wonder why I thought they cared
How could they when I never did
How can I see them through another day all over again,
When I can hardly make it through one more myself?
I wonder why I wanted to try
I’ve done enough, more than enough . . ?
I can’t find anymore strength
They’ve sucked it all up
And never given anything back
I’m running on empty
No more, nothing anymore . . .
Why should I continue in the face of defeat
Day in, day out I can never hope to win
I wonder why I bothered
If they cared I’d know it by now
I can wonder until I’m blue in the face
I will never know will I?
Unless I try,
Unless I do it
Do it . . .
. . .
I wonder now that I’ve done it
And its begun
Will God turn away from me too?
I wonder
I
Wonder . . .
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