Despair

I wonder If this knife is sharp enough? It has to cut deep to sever the vein in my thigh I have been wondering lately About death, about dying and of decay What’s after death anyway . . ? Does dying hurt, can I make it easier? If I have a soul will it decay as my body does? Will it grow old and die? I wonder lately why I tried What was it that I was reaching for anyway? Why did I think it could be found in others? I wonder why I thought they cared How could they when I never did How can I see them through another day all over again, When I can hardly make it through one more myself? I wonder why I wanted to try I’ve done enough, more than enough . . ? I can’t find anymore strength They’ve sucked it all up And never given anything back I’m running on empty No more, nothing anymore . . . Why should I continue in the face of defeat Day in, day out I can never hope to win I wonder why I bothered If they cared I’d know it by now I can wonder until I’m blue in the face I will never know will I? Unless I try, Unless I do it Do it . . . . . . I wonder now that I’ve done it And its begun Will God turn away from me too? I wonder I Wonder . . .