Nikki Pruitt | + Follow Poet |
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Desensitized, Until I Met God

Feeling everything at once,
And nothing at all.
Numb?
Maybe.
Just may be the medications,
My therapist says,
Meditation.
The answer,
The problem?
Is manic depression.
Some say disorder,
I scream.
Obsession.
The doctor’s dose me, 
I obliged,
Just because I don’t want to die.
Addiction killed my soul,
Reprive,
Or spiritually die.
I just want to be alive.
A life.
What is a life without drugs and pain?
What’s living without suffering?
Show me the way,
To live and let live.
Who is your God?
Because, 
Mine is forgiving.
Please,
Forgive me. 
Again and again,
I tried to end the pain,
Insanity speaks to me.
I’m learning 
To drown it out,
The whack of the wheels spinning,
My sanity is left spinning.
I do and I do,
To get absolutely nowhere.
Knock, knock,
No one’s there,
Dissociate the demon,
Defiling me,
Let me prevail 
And find inner peace.
How when mania continues
To feed the insanity in me?
Depression is lessened,
Didn’t let it destroy me,
Not yet, 
Not ever.
Unleash the beast,
Bring out the happiness in me.
Bring out the purity,
Show me faith,
In my higher power,
In myself,
In my sobriety.
I seek forgiveness,
Seek out and expel
The sinner in me.
Manifest glory,
Manifest positivity,
Manifest me.
Make me the better version of me,
Unmask the beauty.
Help me,
Please.
Give my strength purpose,
Show me my worth,
Walk the line with me,
Single me out
And erase my shortcomings.
Come to my side,
Walk beside me,
God.
Show me mercy
In my recovery.
Relapse is no longer an option,
I opt out of relapse city,
Don’t criticize the addict,
Criticize the disease.
Behold,
The glory,
How great it is
That that disease never did
Manage to destroy me.
Thank you God,
For having mercy on me
Through abuse, addiction and insanity.
I thank you on the daily,
You’ve never lost faith in me,
Forgive me for my honesty,
Let me face humility
And humble me.

Copyright © Nikki Pruitt | Year Posted 2021

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