Home » Poems » Doris Culverhouse » Deer Hunter

Deer Hunter

He waits impatiently, intent
Across the stream, the prey is meant
Alert ears seek signs of life
Eyes scan foliage, no movement
The light dims on his grand event
He let down his wife

Or alternate ending--He laments his strife---  Which seems better??

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L'Nass Shango

Date: 11/10/2010 7:05:00 AM

I prefer the alternate ending ... but it gives too much away. "His heart scoped her life," I would suggest is more cryptic and ambiguous, and would bring more mystery. A great symbolic write, Doris. Can you imagine the beauty of this deconstructed?

Don Johnson

Date: 11/8/2010 7:25:00 PM

Thank you 4 your comment Doris where on the planet do you sit enjoyed this verse of yours... might try one of this type ... if i can get my brain 2 click....Don

C.C Bloomsfield

Date: 11/2/2010 10:01:00 PM

He lament his strife,powerful!great poem dear friend Doris.

Sheri Fresonke Harper

Date: 10/30/2010 2:45:00 PM

I like the end you chose, but maybe his empty belly gurgling would say it better, lol, enjoyed it :) Sheri

Sara Kendrick

Date: 10/30/2010 1:06:00 PM

That is good....Spends more time in the woods than at home and finds out too late what he had...Could write another similiar and use a different ending..I don't know if I will be able to go to church..I can hardly straighten up..I still have a check in my pocketbook..Elaine was not there last Sunday...The comments were cute..Laugh time..Mom

Carol Sunshine Brown

Date: 10/30/2010 11:24:00 AM

Thank you for posting your excellent poetry here at PoetrySoup so we all may read it Doris. May your weekend be one of much joy to you and may it bring inspiration to the end of your pen. Wishing you the best in any contest you have entered or are going to enter this weekend. Love, Carol

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

Date: 10/30/2010 5:56:00 AM

Well the deer needs to survive ..I am an animal luver Doris ..so he laments his strife sounds better to me on this piece... very creative lines luv.. Happy Halloween weekend...