Decisions

I count the ceiling tiles once more Hear the footsteps in the floor Can feel the drip inside my arm The liquid magic gives me calm Pupils dilate as heart pumps blood Round my body to cause a flood Of opiate to kill the pain And numb the sensors in my brain. But still I am acutely woke To every little prod and poke A sense of being out of now A shift in time and space somehow. Being so far out of sense Control is long gone, jumped the fence Alters you forevermore Near dying causes change for sure. The pain, anxiety, constant fear I could not see an exit clear For me to pass away one night So I had to stay and fight. Fight for my very life itself The one thing that you can’t buy is health I had within me power to survive I dug deep, found it, had to thrive For my children, young and tender To my illness could not surrender And now it’s in the distant past But trauma lingers to the last.