Decisions

I count the ceiling tiles once more
Hear the footsteps in the floor
Can feel the drip inside my arm
The liquid magic gives me calm

Pupils dilate as heart pumps blood
Round my body to cause a flood
Of opiate to kill the pain
And numb the sensors in my brain. 

But still I am acutely woke
To every little prod and poke
A sense of being out of now
A shift in time and space somehow. 

Being so far out of sense
Control is long gone, jumped the fence
Alters you forevermore
Near dying causes change for sure. 

The pain, anxiety, constant fear
I could not see an exit clear
For me to pass away one night
So I had to stay and fight. 

Fight for my very life itself
The one thing that you can’t buy is health
I had within me power to survive
I dug deep, found it, had to thrive

For my children, young and tender 
To my illness could not surrender
And now it’s in the distant past
But trauma lingers to the last.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023

Poem

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