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Decidedlly Not the Kind of Hot Dog You'D Ever Want To Eat

Herr Schneider and his Heidi 
Lived a staid and peaceful life
In a suburb prim and tidy,
Free of rancour, free of strife.

One blessing only Heaven denied
To this prosperous married pair
No infant’s laugh or baby’s cry
E’er pierced their household’s air.

As life’s observers, many note
That it often is the case
That those from humankind remote
Befriend the canine race.

Thus Heinrich Schneider and his wife
Rejoiced when comfort came.
A little puppy changed their life
And Spezi (Spetsy) was his name.

Those first weeks caused such a muddle
When he threatened all known order.
"Oh Heinrich, look, another puddle,
And the spoilt herbaceous border!"

But continence can be well learned
Soon Spezi posed a model.
No sausage-dog has ever earned
More right to proudly waddle.



Herr Heinrich Schneider and his spouse
Felt the need to wander,
And for once to leave their house
For a land that lay far yonder.

Japan at cherry-blossom time!
No better place than this
Enthralled the German couple’s mind.
The chance they would not miss.


Imperial palaces they saw 
And Fuji’s snow-capped summit,
Ornate gardens stirring awe.
You name it, they had done it.


They found a cozy place to res\t.
On the price they made a deal.
At last a chance to have a "Fest".
The time came for a meal.

The menu was in Japanese,
As well one might expect.
The waiter clearly meant to please
And bowed with great respect.

Of English, German and of French
He had no scrap of knowledge.
He gave each ear a nervous clench.
No, he’d never been to college.

Herr Schneider felt like sauerkraut
And Heidi felt like veal,
Food of this kind they’d do without
Until another meal.

But Spezi’s hunger would not wait.
Herr Schneider eyed the waiter.
"Wuff, Wuff, our Spezi wants a plate.
For dogs one has to cater."

While they sat there, a full hour passed. 
Then the waiter brought some dishes.
The Schneiders ate their strange repast,
Which fell short of their wishes.

It was now time to pay the bill,
Which ran to many a yen.
Both were feeling somewhat ill.
and hardly spoke a word, but then -

Heidi cried "Is Spezi back yet?"
"Wuff wuff" did Heinrich bark.
"Please, waiter, tell us, where’s our pet?
In the kitchen? In the park?

A piece of fur the waiter brought.
Then Heidi’s face went pale.
She had a grim and horrid thought
On seeing Spezi’s tail. 

What is the moral of this tale?
Down under be a dingo.
Where e’er you roam you should not fail
To understand the lingo.

Copyright © Julian Scutts | Year Posted 2019

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