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I’m slowly going On a downward spiral I’m making impulsive decisions I need a revival I can’t live under these conditions Everything is making me Feel worse This darkness is truly A curse It infects every part of my life It plagues the life of others I feel this knife Getting pushed in deeper This feeling smothering me I need someone to shelter me From this storm I can see the face of the reaper I feel like it would be Better if I wasn’t born The mountain I climb Gets steeper I have always had problems With no one to solve em Medication only suppresses The darkness I’m the black sheep Of my family Everyone has their own life While I’m struggling to Make the most out of this hell This pain runs deep I need to come out of my shell But I’m too scared To get out of my comfort zone You are paired With the same people your whole life And everyone expects you to be alright But families have problems This house never feels like a home It feels like a living hell No one truly cares Everyone has their own life While I’m struggling live I hate it when you yell I don’t feel like you wanted to give Me the same amount of love As everyone else in this ed up family I’m not like everyone else I’m the problem child I can remember every Traumatic memory I never remember the good ones I don’t feel like there were Any good memories My life is not fun I feel like I got a gun Pointed at my head But I’m struggling To pull the trigger I already feel dead This pain is not mild It’s more severe Than you think I’m just a up My two brothers started working When they were still in high school While I was trying to be a kid Cuz my childhood was robbed from me By this darkness and trauma I can’t find a place to shelter myself From this storm But it just keep pouring I got nothing good going In my life I don’t have a job And I’m not in school I walked in traffic Hoping I would get hit It is like I was riding the Crazy train But someone else was Taking the wheel I can’t get these ideas out Of my brain I don’t know how to feel Without being high I can’t deal With this pain anymore I don’t know how to heal Without taking meds It’s hard to get better When your suffering in silence I got a ing deathwish I have nightmares with A lot of violence I dealt with too much trauma To want to recover I wish that I could just get cured But unfortunately I need to suffer To be a survivor

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

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Date: 12/15/2021 3:49:00 AM
Joshua, this is too sad. I don’t know enough about your condition to constructively advise you but you must face your struggle and pain head on. You can’t just let it fester away. You have a future, you just need to find a way to inject some purpose and joy in your life. I urge you to reach out to someone, if not your family then to a neighbour, an old acquaintance, or someone you can talk to and share your hurt with. It worked for me. God bless.
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