Darkness - Second Half

The question is, would she rather die alive? Or live after she's died? Because right now, the only thing keeping her alive is her love for those around her. The fact that she cares about their happiness more than her own. It's worth the struggle as long as they don't have to feel it. But if she gets to the point where she starts to care about herself, will it lessen that effect? Would she put her happiness before others? As it stands, all that would result in would be her own death. Taking her own life so that she wouldn't have to make this choice. So she wouldn't have to decide between a sea of misery or a nonexistent life. She's realized she's afraid of happiness, but why? Why doesn't she feel that she deserves happiness, yet everyone around her does? Is it fear of the unknown? Fear of herself? Fear of her place in this world? Of losing her identity? Her sense of self? Darkness and its consumption is all she's ever known. But it is what has helped her reach out to others, to relate to others. Where would she be without it? She's preventing herself from happiness, of no one's fault but her own. She's addicted to the darkness. It consumes her, and she's addicted to that consumption.