Dark Secret
It’s the same old routine, day after day
when you live with a person that’s sick.
You can’t tell a soul the secret you keep
if so you’ll lose friends real quick.
I am not speaking of a sickness like flu
or even of a terminal kind.
No, this is much different, I feel bad to compare
but if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind.
This is a sickness that is very hard to describe,
if you’re not familiar with it’s reach.
It effects more people and areas than I thought
and many a lesson does it teach.
I’m talking about living with someone
who needs that “something extra” every day.
No matter what the cost or the hurt it may cause
They are always more than willing to pay.
It doesn’t affect them like it does you,
They see everything as just fine.
And until you decide that you’ve had enough
It’ll join you every night as you dine.
Yes, everything is great as long as their needs are met.
For they are all that matters you see.
You don’t exist until you’ve got something they need
then their words turn as sweet as can be.
“SORRY” and “I DIDN’T MEAN TO” are words you hear a lot
by now they hurt just the same.
And things have calmed down for the minute
As you recover then continue this game.
You dream of a life with someone that is right
and didn’t do the sick thing like this
It’s nice to have this fantasy for a bit
but know you don’t deserve that kind of bliss
It’s a sickening life of pain and destruction
of everything that lies in its path.
How can this person pretend so well at times
doesn’t anyone else see his wrath?
I wish I was someone that counted
And could say something that he would believe
Maybe then he would stop with the names and the hate
and maybe I could do something other than grieve
Nothing I say is worth listening to
not even worth turning my way to look.
I am just an insignificant nobody
that at some point took the bait and the hook.
I feel so helpless, so much like a fool
my friends stay well at arms length.
They can’t bear to see him treat me like this
and at this point he’s taken all my strength.
So I stay confined here in my secret dark place
while I think of plans in my head.
Don’t you dare feel sorry or try to speaking to me
with pity for I’ve heard it all said.
One day, wait and see, I will have had enough,
at my pace this is how it must go
I just needed to get these words out of my head
and tell someone without letting anyone know.
2/2017
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