Cyclic Anxiety
The wounds split open
My sight goes black
Agonizing, terrifying, panicked
This darkness
So thick
Like cascading velvet
Almost beautiful at first in it’s deception
For my eyes were shut so tightly
I hadn’t seen it falling upon me
Enveloping me in it’s unbearable grasp
Leaving me reaching, searching in every direction
But yet I still won’t open my eyes
I still won’t take a breath
Because if I were to open my eyes
Surely the sight before me would be no different
Than no sight at all
No sight other than
The vision projected on the innards of my eyelids
That skewed perception of reality
Or is it skewed?
Every moment pulls me in deeper
I sink into the impenetrable darkness
All that is felt is the hot panic coursing through my veins
Panic that thickens with every moment
Only to be rivaled by the dread
Oh, the dread!
It grows and multiplies
And the hopelessness is inevitable
I writhe, I kick, and this suffering
Spilling out upon my sheets
I’ll stain them with my tears
With my blood
With my endless sorrows
My endless pain
And in the morning when they come for me
They’ll see nothing but my puffy eyelids
That gauntness emanating from my being
Frizzy hair, sloppy clothes, ugly.
But that filthy smile is plastered on my sallow face
And everything is okay
The sheets are clean, the pillows are dry
My wounds are inexistent
Invisible to the eye
And as I open my eyes, so is she.
Until tomorrow night, until tomorrow night.
Copyright © Allegra Skye | Year Posted 2010
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