Cycle of Pain

I find myself in pain in shame but not knowing why I start to cry its been so long so why now? I don't want to see that face my stomach twists so i just make a fist I hold back tears in front of them but i burst when i get to my door I close the door behind me falling to the floor for the first time i feel like a small child lonely and sad I hardly get mad but I am when I cry it's a cycle of pain so how am I to keep sane? it's so hard to hide now it's hard to find peace now my sanity slips away tears flow down my face the cycle of pain goes on my mind fogs I disappear and drift off into my sleep only to wake again and repeat the cycle of pain