Creature of habit

Creature of habit I have never been the one to hang onto feelings like my life depended on it. I have never been the one to check my phone constantly for a dude's messages. Unfortunately, everything when it came to you was different. I became someone I readily hate because of you. Deep inside, I knew it was not love. Love was not supposed to hurt like this. Love doesn't bring doubts. Love doesn't bring chaos. Love is clarity. Love is communication. Love is reassurance. I felt none of this with you. Until you started to put effort into us. Until you gave up on us. My mind told me I was at fault. I realized, I wrote stories about how women should be treated, But why do I let you treat me like trash? Why does all my knowledge vanish when I am next to you? One day, I realized, I was never in love with you. I was emotionally attached to you. I had you for so long, My mind forgot how to think without you. Because love is supposed to feel like home, Not trying to survive a tornado. Because when a real man comes knocking, He will realize I am the prize. Not offer the bare minimum, But shower me with all the affection in the world. Because I am beautiful. I am bright. I am the prize. The shining light. You ruined an emoji for me. For that, I won't forgive you. I guess I am a creature of habit, But every habit can be unlearned. I don't even find you attractive. So, why is it so hard to say goodbye? I hate that I can't let you go, When your presence has done nothing but ruin my life. The little kindness you showed me as a kid, Is a debt my mind has sworn to pay. One day, I will re-read this and I will laugh, That I got attached to a familiar stranger, Who wasn't half the man I ended up with.