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Creature of habit 

I have never been the one to hang onto feelings like my life depended on it.



I have never been the one to check my phone constantly for a dude's messages.



Unfortunately, everything when it came to you was different.



I became someone I readily hate because of you.



Deep inside, I knew it was not love.



Love was not supposed to hurt like this.



Love doesn't bring doubts.



Love doesn't bring chaos.



Love is clarity.



Love is communication.



Love is reassurance.



I felt none of this with you.



Until you started to put effort into us.



Until you gave up on us.



My mind told me I was at fault.



I realized, I wrote stories about how women should be treated,



But why do I let you treat me like trash?



Why does all my knowledge vanish when I am next to you?



One day, I realized,



I was never in love with you.



I was emotionally attached to you.



I had you for so long,



My mind forgot how to think without you.



Because love is supposed to feel like home,



Not trying to survive a tornado.



Because when a real man comes knocking,



He will realize I am the prize.



Not offer the bare minimum,



But shower me with all the affection in the world.



Because I am beautiful.



I am bright.



I am the prize.



The shining light.



You ruined an emoji for me.



For that, I won't forgive you.



I guess I am a creature of habit,



But every habit can be unlearned.



I don't even find you attractive.



So, why is it so hard to say goodbye?



I hate that I can't let you go,



When your presence has done nothing but ruin my life.



The little kindness you showed me as a kid,



Is a debt my mind has sworn to pay.



One day, I will re-read this and



I will laugh,



That I got attached to a familiar stranger,



Who wasn't half the man I ended up with.
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