Confessions To a Bartender

The weight on my shoulders and burdens I carry Are straight from the mouths of Tom Dick and Harry The end of their day, their highlight in life is a swift, cheeky pint before home to their wife But somehow this pint never ends at just one A sip of their nectar, goes on and on Then before they know it they swagger and sway And proceed to engage in what happened today The stories I've heard I doubt you'd believe Your eyes they would water, your ears they would bleed They turn the air blue with their scandalous tails of romps in the toilets, the bike sheds, hay bales These fables of back seats, cinema or car fumbles with bosses, winks from the vicar! And its not just the men who blab while I work Sometimes it's ladies who dish the most dirt Their tales of revenge, dog food in stew Use hubby's toothbrush to clean out the loo Hell hath no fury like women peed off They share all their secrets when they've had enough Of their old men escaping to me after work But they always get caught, they run out of luck I feel like the spare part in everyone's marriage Passing on messages like notes on a fridge But I can't complain, I get all the goss I keep women's secrets at every man's loss 24 October 2011