Coming Out
Coming Out
By Jan Beaumont ©
I may very well start a new diet
I think it's a good thing to do
Let's face it, I've been a bit naughty
And my figure is showing it too!
The trouble is, which one to follow?
Each one of them's worked in the past
The only thing is, for the program to work
You've got to make sure it'll last!
How long will it take is the biggie
Can you lose 40 pounds in a week?
Can I still have my booze if I've got lots to lose?
If not then the future looks bleak.
I've lost thousands of pounds in my lifetime
I've lost inches from every place
If I think I'm so clever
Then why can't I ever
Not have a big fat about-face?
I've tried some incredible diets
Some mainstream and some a bit *****
Had so many beans on the F Plan
I was truly not nice to be near!
And Weightwatchers worked for a long time
I joined about 10 times you see
They had so many records in so many names
And they didn't twig all those were me!
Tried pre-packaged food, and I liked it
The meals were so easy to heat
But the big problem here, as it soon became clear
It was just too expensive to eat!
Who comes up with all of these diets?
Which one should I choose is the question
Is it Paleo, Atkins, Dukan or South Beach?
No wonder I've got indigestion.
I could name oh so many new food plans
Cabbage soup didn't go down too well
It's true it was highly nutritious
But I just couldn't live with the smell!
The Mediterranean Diet
Was so healthy and really looked fine
So I couldn't believe that I gained fifteen pounds
Do you think it could be all that wine?
And then there's the mad Werewolf Diet
You fast through a full or new moon
Decided I didn't want hairs on my chest
Won't be trying that any time soon!
Went keto and was quite successful
Low carb seemed a great way to go
It became automatic and I was ecstatic
My hip bones were starting to show!
But nothing with me lasts forever
And I put it all back, even more
Though I felt so ashamed no one else could be blamed
So I'm fasting ... oh no, what a bore!
Who knows when this lockdown will finish
And I'll finally have to come out
I'd better pull finger, theres no time to linger
I'll feel so deprived there's no doubt.
So I'll go and get my big girl panties
Pull them up, get a grip, knuckle down
I'll ziplock my mouth when it's not time to eat
Then I'll see you ... back out ... on the town!
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