Collapse
I stepped into the shower and as the water trailed down my back..
Left alone with my thoughts again, I felt myself collapse.
I know there's no use spilling tears over what is past,
But every time i'm left alone, My mind brings them back.
I feel the emptiness that continuously gnaws at my at my bones,
I feel it in my stomach every single time, I'm alone..
My love, he hates it, The only topic he refuses to discuss,
Hes' the only man that I love and The only man I trust.
I don't blame him, He Cannot bring himself to understand..
I felt the changes within my body, He merely felt me under his hands.
I refuse to burden him with the pain that makes me break,
Though I know he loves me, there's only so much someone can take,
I feel my sanity as if its a thin blanket around my skin,
I feel the fabric stretch and i know it's wearing thin.
I want to write about it, the war raging behind my ribs,
the screams I feel wash over me, that never leave my lips...
I scribble down the words as they rush behind my eyes
No matter how i try to say it, This never comes out right.
The water pools around my feet and I lose track of time.
Descending into madness as I slowly lose my mind..
I miss them, Though we never got the chance to meet,
I know he doesn't understand how much they meant to me.
I stare at these ultrasound photos and i feel it burn behind my eyes,
My vision becomes clouded, still unable to say goodbye.
Unable to say hello, I never got the chance to see,
the innocence on there faces.. The people they'd grow to be..
I stay still as my mind torments me.. breaking me slow.
All the things we missed, All the things we'll never know.
I sit down gasping, as everything pours back,
These memories, I hide from, These memories i keep trapped.
My breath comes out like breaking glass and tears stream down my cheeks,
Only here when i'm alone. Feeling swallowed by defeat.
I turn off the water, Taking control of my own mind.
Pushing back the memories, I'll never leave behind.
As I come to terms that I'll break each time these words are said,
I'm less of a person than i was because a Part of me is dead.
My Dearest Twins
February 24th and march 1st, 2018.
Copyright © Wendy Boutin | Year Posted 2018
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