Closing the Door

Confusion, annoyance, the thought of not knowing what fate has in store, The waiting, the rejections, the thought of never finding out. Knowing the answer I cautiously stay away, fearing the response you give. People call it a sixth sense, but I know better. It’s a curse, the feeling of inevitability. Finally, I feel I have found my courage, though it’s taken long enough. I walk slowly in your direction, carefully planning out the conversation I need to have. As I greet you, I feel the words already to come out of your mouth. That’s it, I can’t go on. I already know what you would say. I pretend like you’re in the way, that my class is in the building behind you. I quickly end our conversation before it begins. Why should I wait to hear it? As I enter the building I look back at you, and I can see it’s the truth. You knew what I was going to do, and you are grateful I lost my nerve. We both knew the answer. I call out “see you around” as if I mean it. Of course I will see you, how could I miss an angel like you. But of course that isn’t what I mean. We already hit this wall once, never again I tell myself. “Stay friends” I tell myself, but it’s too hard. Seeing you digs the dagger farther into my heart. So I guess no words could fill the barrier between us. I think to myself “So this is how a good-bye feels?” And as the door shuts in front of me, I turn away from you and walk into the empty halls. “See you around?” I think to myself, yea right. I’ll stay away, just because it’s easier.