Christmas Pork

I'd broken down beside the highway; my poor old car's just died,
and when I lifted up the bonnet you know I could have cried.
It’s a busted water hose, and of course I don't have a spare,
so I’m stuck here with my bonnet up and no houses anywhere.

What do I do! do I leave my car; hitch-hike to get the part,
or wait for someone to come along and let that be the start.
My decision was made up for me; a bloke pulled up behind,
and introduced himself as Eric, before - "What did you find?"

"Busted hose" Eric chuckled. "You better hop in the car with me;
I'll have one somewhere in my shed; come on we'll go and see".
He drove off the highway down a track that took us to Eric's door,
I never got a word in … Eric talked and talked then talked some more.

I thought I'd discovered 'Noah's Ark' when he pulled up the car.
Animals of all descriptions ran to us from near and far;
cattle, sheep, horses; some geese; chooks and a dog sat up to beg;
two donkeys with some goats and a pig which had a wooden leg.

Every animal is tame and everyone has got a name,
and every one expects a pat; then I needed Eric to explain.
"What happened to your little pig that has got a wooden leg?"
"Poor old Doris, We-e-ll, she's lucky", then, this is what Eric said.

“For Christmas I'd just killed the chooks; took 'em inside to the wife”.
She said “What about the leg of pork?” then she handed me the knife.
Doris ran to me with trusting eyes; right then I knew somehow,
as I placed the knife against her throat - I couldn’t kill this sow".
Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

Poem

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George Avatar
March 14, 2022 at 9:53 PM
Wow this is so very humorous ! Poor Doris . Now she must be getting extra care from you ! I like the menagerie in Eric's house ! This goes into my Fav....Lindsay
Laurie Avatar
March 24, 2022 at 5:12 PM
Hello Valsa ... personally I'd go vegetarian before I'd be so cruel to any animal let alone a pet - thanks again Valsa - Lindsay
Makama Avatar
April 27, 2021 at 7:59 PM
Beautifully written with so much grace. Your lines are thick with craft and fascination. Great work.
Hinshaw Avatar
April 13, 2021 at 1:42 PM
The Master Teller of Tales, that's you, Lindsay! I'm playing catch-up on reading yours and others on soup since me 'puter was on the fritz for about a week. Bob
Laurie Avatar
April 25, 2021 at 9:00 PM
Hello Bob ... so you're 'puter spat the dummy did it. They do have a mind of there own when acting cantankerous - thanks again Bob - Lindsay
Crabtree Avatar
April 9, 2021 at 6:32 PM
Great story, Lindsay. The last stanza through me off a bit. I wasn't expecting that. Have a great night :)
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:47 PM
Hello Angela ... thank you for reading and commenting Angela. I must admit this style of humour is what I prefer to write - Lindsay
Callus Avatar
April 6, 2021 at 2:37 PM
Well, his wife did get her leg of pork!! Poor Doris :( I'm sure I'd never make a good butcher! Thank you for yet another good narrative, Lindsay. ~ Regards // paul
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:44 PM
Hello Paul ... She did Paul, but how could she face Doris again (unless of course, she' looking at another leg). Thank you for commenting Paul - Lindsay
Edmonds  Avatar
April 5, 2021 at 9:05 PM
Oh my, poor legless porky pig, fantastic story telling and it’s all in rhyme, so good. I truly enjoyed the read... Belle
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:42 PM
Hello Belle ... I truly do appreciate you comment Belle. I'm so glad you enjoyed this verse - Lindsay
Ball Avatar
April 5, 2021 at 6:15 PM
Oh! How can anyone do that to their pet. To me that is tantamount to cannibalism.. I think the pig should return the favor in kind. Wouldn't blame her a bit. You are a great story teller my friend and always enjoy your stories. God Bless, JB
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:40 PM
Hello Judy ... thankfully this poem is fiction, but on a small pig farm just north of home, a farmer had a heart attack while feeding his pigs and you can imagine what happened - thank you Judy for your comment - Lindsay
Wolf Avatar
April 5, 2021 at 5:39 PM
Vintage Lindsay Laurie, I must say... even if I have just lost my appetite. lol. Thanks, gw
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:36 PM
Hello Gershon ... it would be very hard eating the leg of pork and see Doris hobble past the window, but I doubt if the farmer would lose his appetite. He would be thinking of another leg - Lindsay
Devonshire Avatar
April 5, 2021 at 7:34 AM
You were lucky Eric stopped to help you, but I can't imagine "eating" part of a pet. Poor Doris! Fascinating poem, Lindsay. Love the story behind it. You're so creative! (Hoping this didn't really happen. Little Doris stole my heart.) Hope you had a great Easter, dear! Hugs, Carolyn
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:32 PM
Hello Carolyn ... total fiction, but you never know with some farmers. Easter was fine as I trust was Carolyn. Thank you for your great comment - Lindsay
Cunningham Avatar
April 5, 2021 at 2:04 AM
Another three Christmas's and Doris will be crawling around lol. Enjoyed Lindsay, happy easter to you Tom
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:28 PM
G'day Tom ... yes, and after that could come the bacon and salamis - Lindsay
Proxenos Avatar
April 2, 2021 at 1:19 PM
Lindsay I had a good laugh, surely Doris must have thought - you can have my leg for Christmas lunch, but please spare my life! - your punchlines are surely unsurpassed, thank you for sharing my friend. Happy Easter to you and your family Lindsay, Blessings, Jennifer.
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:26 PM
Thank you once again Jennifer. I trust you had a fine Easter as we did also. I'm pleased you enjoyed this piece of farm humour - Lindsay
Mcintosh Avatar
April 1, 2021 at 4:08 AM
This is so cute. I love it. God bless you always, Love, Gina
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:24 PM
Hello Regina ... thank you for your nice comment Regina - Lindsay
Allison Avatar
March 31, 2021 at 4:27 PM
I adore your humour Lindsay you are master of the punchline:-) hugs Jan xx
Laurie Avatar
April 10, 2021 at 5:22 PM
Thank you Jan, but isn't it so good to read such a variety of poetry on this site - Lindsay
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