Christmas Day Near Massacre

When we were kids, kids we were without no pain or fears, we’d do the ‘devilish’ of things to impress our peers. The biggest dare or bravest feat would for the pack be tried. Lord knows now when I look back how no one ever died. Boy’s grow up, get married and go on their separate ways, soon outlive their childhood and those feats of younger days. One Christmas day we met again at our old pub on Christmas morn, and when the beer began to talk - our childhood was re-born. Bobby mentioned ‘bout our bikes we rode to the ‘Labi’ caves. Ron said what we should have done - (stupidity soon raves) “Well what we should have done” Ron said, and most of us agreed. Is blow them caves to ‘smithereens’, that’s when I took the lead. “I used to help my Uncle Reg when he was blowing stumps. He’s got a shed ‘o gelignite” - that’s when everybody jumps. “Let’s knock some off” said ‘Savage’ Syd and Col agreed with him. “Who’s ‘gunna’ drive we’re pretty drunk” was mentioned then by Jim. Yes Bob, Ron, Col, Syd and Jim, plus me were on a par. We had spent too much time together drinking at the bar. Way too drunk to drive you see so who’s’ ‘gunna’ drive the car? Then I saw drinking lemon squashes - our mate we called ‘Galah’. ‘Galah’s’ a bloke who’s fairly slow; we played on that a bit. He wore the brunt of all our jokes; we wallowed in our wit. ‘Galah’ was pleased to drive the car ‘cause he wanted to fit in … we knew it’s safe to rob the shed - our adventure could begin. ‘Cause Uncle Reg was in the pub and was ‘hooking’ in his beer, so from his shed without a fear we stole his gelignite and gear. It was sweating in some boxes. The plunger terminals were rust. The fuse and detonators were corroded ‘neath the dust. No one but me had blown up stumps so no one had a clue. I told ‘em all to just stand back; I’ll show ‘em what to do. In the cave I drilled some holes, pushed in the sticks of gelignite, clamped fuse on the detonators - screwed the plunger terminals real tight. “Hide behind the trees” I said. “Put a hand across each ear. When I push the handle down the caves will disappear”. Everyone rushed for a tree; I pushed the plunger handle down … standing numb there for a minute - ‘cause there was not a sound. Slowly from behind the trees slunk over Jim and Syd. Ron yelled out “Be careful, there’s something you ain’t did!” Gingerly I walked back in the cave; checked the sticks of gelignite, the detonators on the fuse, and made sure the terminals were tight. “I’ll have another try,” I said. ‘Galah’ laughed, “It’s useless it won’t blow!” I guess I frowned a little asking, “How would you bloody know?” ‘Galahs’ next comment shattered me and turned my blood to ice … “When you went back inside the cave - I pushed down the handle twice”.