As a child I knew life wasn’t perfect,
had to survive most day
a lot of things I went through I didn’t deserve it!
Held a lot of people down when it wasn’t even worth it , so I felt everybody in my life was tryna Hurt me on purpose.
Such as going to a foster home
Moving different places so much
Watching them try and break us up
I needed my brother and sisters they tried to make it Rough,
but like always we stood tough.
9 years old, & I looked down at my sister didn’t even have to ask did he touch her too by the way she looked up at me so I already knew , and I was so confused at the fact somebody could do that!
Somebody that’s pose to love us took our trust and chose to abuse that , And it doesn’t make any sense why we had to go through that!
I thought the world of my siblings & they knew that! If we didn’t feel safe we fled , for years I didn’t sleep in my own bed , because we always stayed up wondering if our mama was dead!
And I thought going to a different place would make our lifes better !
But our faces became wetter , we cried so many nights , I got into so many fights , we just wanted our mother back , we just wanted to better life !!
We still went to school , we still went to church , but in the back of our minds life was a curse and it was only gonna get worse !!
I could have been somebody different ,
Why couldnt we have somebody who listened ?
I can go on and on about my past when are start reminiscing
We went through so much and we were just kids then
So growing up I laughed , I loved but I cried for help , my heart started to melt Why they had to woop us with belts?
Why they tried to adopt us and didn’t even ask how we felt?
We wanted our mama she just needed some help !
I’d look out my window sometimes and just pray I’d see my mom
I couldn’t talk to nobody , about
How I was abused I felt alone How I was used as a kid because I didn’t follow rules or go along for any one to not hear me when I broke the news was wrong.
And for me to even try and explain my hurt in a song?
I told my foster mom some things that she didn’t like and U know what she said to me after starting a fight ? He wouldn’t ever do m nobody he’s a grown man & , your a child
And at the time I didn’t know who was good or bad , I was just praying for a life I never had , and on the way I ran into a lot of things that made me mad , had to put a smile on my face even when I was sad !!
And that wasn’t fair to me ,
I was a child growing up to fast for people to see , some days I couldn’t even be me !!
I couldn’t enjoy growing up they way I did in my dreams , and I don’t talk about a lot of things but at the end of the day I wanted momma but did she want me !!
And it hurt me so bad when they would ask “why did mama leave” ?
Plenty of placements to talk about , plenty of holding cells I would just walk around , I was expecting someone to pick me up when I had fallen down , but when I reached out there was nobody to be found !! I use to cry myself to sleep without making a sound And it shoook me for years , I remember the court dates I remember the tears
, i remember begging the judge to understand , my dreams and my fears !
I remember looking my mom in her eyes just tryna wipe away all her tears . Was that life ever worth it?
If i didn’t face my demons when I did I wouldn’t be this kind of a person !, And I’m not saying I’m perfect but I just wanted peace in a world full of broken homes & imperfects
Copyright © brittany bennett | Year Posted 2020
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