Home » Poems » Fullmoon Sway » Check Mate

Check Mate

Check mate I win again... How funny I aways lose.... Shameful aren't you A piece you never Get back.... How unprincipled... A petty game Though blameworthy (Partially).... How about a new Game No.... Im afraid once something Is truly lost you can never get it back

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Cyndi Macmillan

Date: 1/22/2016 9:39:00 AM

Hi. I like the tone, very much. My suggestions are to play with line breaks and increase the word play. Maybe, lose a lose at least one ellipsis and try changing word order to see what that does? Here is an example, " Checkmate, I win//again. Funny How I always lose. Shameful, aren't you, a piece// (remanded), never to be (reclaimed)//" I'm not telling you to do THIS, but if unhappy with your poem, then try to change something, and see what that does. Welcome to Soup.

Fullmoon Sway
Date: 1/22/2016 10:04:00 AM

thank you so much ill try your sugggestion

Fullmoon Sway

Date: 1/21/2016 10:30:00 PM

how can i improve this poem