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Cause and Defect

let’s compare our scars mine have faded away now since i stopped caring still yours were always bigger more so since i stopped caring

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Tom Woody

Date: 12/31/2023 2:11:00 PM

You want a review/critique rather than a commentary so here goes: as a tanka it hits the syllable count of 31 nicely. As far as creating a mood, I'd give it an A. Message? I think Chris said is best, ie, it touches a nerve, since we all have our scars and have left them on others. I would suggest, however, that most of us never stop caring about the pain we have inflicted upon others. Regret leads to remorse leads to repentance. Scars are visible for a reason

Tom Woody
Date: 12/31/2023 3:23:00 PM

Fair warning: I tire of one-way relationships quickly. Carpe diem David, before twilight arrives

David Kavanagh
Date: 12/31/2023 3:06:00 PM

I’ll stick to the ethos of my poem above, and send my scars over, have a good one!

Tom Woody
Date: 12/31/2023 2:31:00 PM

I'm never going to be like everyone else David. I'll never be the "lovely poem" guy. Sometimes I employ humor, sometimes commentary, rarely critique since few want it. Love me or hate me, I'm just me, as my bio states. Visit my space sometime

David Kavanagh
Date: 12/31/2023 2:27:00 PM

A fair critique, this one was always about the mental aspect of scars, by letting go of that pain and the someone that perhaps tries to remind us of it, we actually feed and grow their pain, at the same time reducing our own, you should do critique more often, commentary is ok too if the subject matter at hand is addressed, Just my opinion!

Christopher Flaherty

Date: 3/8/2023 2:51:00 PM

Ann absolute instant fave from me Sir Touched or hit a nerve Don't seem or appear to care Only care when I don't

David Kavanagh
Date: 3/9/2023 1:48:00 AM

Thank you Christopher for the Fave, it is so well appreciated, mental scars were indeed always the target here, especially pretend one’s feeding off others misery, cheers David

Pashang Salehi

Date: 2/26/2023 2:45:00 PM

Please add me to the competition...

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/26/2023 3:16:00 PM

You’re more than welcome Pashang, scar comparing is open to all lol, cheers David

Mark Koplin

Date: 2/26/2023 6:52:00 AM

You have hit that right on the nose! Awesome!!

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/26/2023 8:59:00 AM

Thanks Mark, few words can pack a painful punch, cheers David

Arlo Parker

Date: 2/25/2023 3:35:00 PM

A simple satisfaction...not cruel, just real. Well crafted piece, DK. ~;o]

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/26/2023 1:52:00 AM

Indeed Arlo, ‘just real’ succinctly put, I understand exactly what you mean, cheers David

Maureen Mcgreavy

Date: 2/25/2023 5:56:00 AM

Ooh, pithy punch! I love it. xomo

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/25/2023 10:04:00 AM

Thank you Super Mo, it leaves a meaningful mark methinks, cheers David

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 2/25/2023 1:53:00 AM

Perfect argument.

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/25/2023 1:58:00 AM

Thank you Victor, so little says so much, cheers David

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 2/24/2023 9:12:00 PM

Snap! Love it

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/25/2023 12:55:00 AM

Thank you Andrea, I’m delighted you love this one, cheers David

Fin Chuuk

Date: 2/24/2023 5:35:00 PM

Some cuts are too deep to heal. Fantastic poem, David.

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/25/2023 12:54:00 AM

Indeed they are Fin, especially the mental ones, cheers David

Deb M

Date: 2/24/2023 4:17:00 PM

I like this David…..Debx

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/25/2023 12:52:00 AM

Heya Deb, thank you for stopping by, glad you enjoyed, cheers David

Aysha Nuwas

Date: 2/24/2023 4:17:00 PM

Love how you did this, and without using the word Gold in the poem, deep thoughts.

Aysha Nuwas
Date: 2/25/2023 11:23:00 PM

Yes I think it was very effective, I am not good at it but those guiding me always say show do not tell!

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/25/2023 12:51:00 AM

Heya Aysha I thought by avoiding Gold in the poem, it might be more effective, hopefully it works, cheers David

Daniel Turner

Date: 2/24/2023 2:41:00 PM

I'm stumped on what to say, David. What about the scars we can not see? I digress. Definitely one for me to ponder. Good luck:)

David Kavanagh
Date: 2/24/2023 2:50:00 PM

You read my poem just fine Daniel, this one was always about the hidden scars going unnoticed, that caused the indifference and suffering all at once, cheers David