Castles of Rust - Ct

I smiled when the betrayal came
Across your face, the leering burst
As quickly as I said her name
Coldly, knowing she's not the first

You wooed me, once, with your sweet talk
But now you speak of chains and locks
Acerbic tears hollowed my trust
Our love lost in castles of rust

She's not the first; I coldly smiled
When the betrayal came, knowing
Her name, I said as quickly as
The leering burst across your face

So be free - once I take my due
She's welcome to what's left of you

9/28/20

"Charonnet" contest
Sponsor: Charles Messina
Copyright © | Year Posted 2020

Poem

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Goldsmith Avatar
October 14, 2020 at 10:36 AM
Congratulations on your win. A wonderful story/write. And what an ending. Enjoy your win...................
Allison Avatar
October 13, 2020 at 9:52 AM
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... i especially love the last line Michelle, Many congrats on your win:-) hugs Jan xx
Messina Avatar
October 13, 2020 at 7:56 AM
Michelle, great write and poetry my dear friend. Like Susan said, great killer last line. Unfortunately the last stanza was a little off or this would have placed higher. Anyway, hope all is well and Congratulations on your placement. Hugs Charlie
Ashley Avatar
October 9, 2020 at 6:54 PM
Ohh, Michelle, that’s a killer last line.. such self-empowerment! Your passionate pen expresses vivid imagery and metaphors portraying dark deceptions and the resulting corrosion of trust in a rusted relationship... somehow we always know... a stirring emotional piece. Best wishes for a win, my talented friend.. ~Susan
Rodrigues Avatar
October 7, 2020 at 8:22 PM
Well said! Love the wrap up at the end!
Devonshire Avatar
October 1, 2020 at 11:02 AM
It's sad how relationships start out so good, but then change. I guess people change with time, but there are some who become more unpleasant as years pass. If we knew the answer to why this happened, there would be a lot of much happier people. Well done, Michelle!! Best wishes in Charlie's contest.
Faulkner Avatar
October 2, 2020 at 7:49 PM
Yes, the way a relationship can warp and twist over time can be heart breaking, thank you for you thoughtful comment, Carolyn!
Horsman Avatar
October 1, 2020 at 7:57 AM
Love the story, and its poetic flow...good luck in contest.
Faulkner Avatar
October 2, 2020 at 7:48 PM
Thanks so much, harry.
Wolf Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 6:34 PM
Strong slam, starting with a super title, incorporated so smoothly within the poem. :) gw
Faulkner Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 7:27 PM
While it is a work of fiction, the general feel might have come from an old boyfriend from a long time ago - glad to be rid of him! Thank you for your visit, Wolfman :)
Watt Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 1:27 PM
Powerful imagery of a poisoned love; chains, locks, castle of rust. You have written well of that loss of trust that comes after betrayal, Michelle. Nice work forming this message within the tight constraints of the contest. Best wishes, friend.
Faulkner Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 7:25 PM
I liked the idea of contrasting castles, which are usually symbols of romance and nobility, with the ruin of lies and dishonesty - this was a quick one for me to write (which is rare for me!) Glad as always for your input!
Mcintosh Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 1:07 PM
A wonderful write with such deep and powerful feelings - a poem worthy of the stanzas and ideas... beautiful. God bless you
Faulkner Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 7:23 PM
Thank you very much, Regina!
Leffanta Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 11:56 AM
Love your attitude! Aloha! Rico
Faulkner Avatar
September 29, 2020 at 12:59 PM
Luckily for me, this is fiction!
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