Can'T Pretend Forever

I can't pretend forever; cuz forever makes me cry. To remind myself of the reality... too many days have passed us by. Please my God be forgiving. You've been in every prayer... Foolish I have been, still yet- this is an attempt to show I care! How can I stop to think of you? Or wonder on your behalf? Pray God gave you what I asked of him But who's to prove he has? It's been seven months of this lonely hell. Seven months since you've went away. My hopes and dreams are still just that- Guess they're only meant to stay. Mother what have I done? Again? Was this life meant for me? What happened to the little girl who held onto our family tree? I'm not even sure anymore of what "family" is! If blood really is thicker than water... Cuz I have no family! I have no friends! Yeah! I wrote that- Cuz it's how I feel! But I know deep inside (not true). I'm done with feeling like a living dead girl, I want my Mother back! I Miss You! Is that okay? Because I do! So before I go off into the deep end... I had to send what's left of my love to you. Damn! Everytime! Can't write a letter no more! Cuz I can't write to you without tears falling to the floor! Because you were right and I knew Six months ago too. So I hate myself for doing what I already knew I would do. And just as every battle, I knew I would always lose. I have yet to back down Regardless of what may Permanentally bruise. But I can't go on anymore With acting out this realm. Cuz thats just it- it's all pretend People only see what I let them see.