Gideon Oknin Poet Rhyme

Can't escape the computation

I went to the shadchan
I listed what my wife should be
a pretty, funny, caring woman
But the shadchan laid it out for me:

"The type of woman who would look your way
Would be nearsighted, poor, a career missed
I have to be blunt, or I would betray
I've been around, trust me on this."

"You see, the mind is a computer"
"Sometimes unconsciously, factors get combined
Women do the math of what they want in a suitor
And you, poor shmuck, are not considered a find."

I was bitter, so I said, "they just smell cash"
But she replied, "you hypocrite, you're the same
"You want glamour, humor, and a dowry stash
That's how we all play that game."

"Men go for women who seem attainable
"Shared interests, smarts, or admiration
"The ratio of genders must be favorable.
If you select by race, add that to the equation."

"It's not that I want to be mean
"But beauty is signposts to evolution's goal
"A brain is designed to reproduce a gene
Even if infatuation grabs your soul."

So she found me a compatible mate
from a war-torn land far away
The lady was older, and overweight
And she denied that she was gay.

We went down that aisle, and tied the knot
But then I met a beauty at the car dealership
She was like a panther that the zoo forgot
She was funny, smart, my commitment flipped.

I was going to divorce my wife, this computation stuff was crap
When I was with this new girl, I felt like ten out of ten
Until one day I found her with a tinfoil cap
She was insane, believed in little green men.

You can't escape the computation
No matter how hard you try
Know your limits, your life station
That way, you won't have to cry.

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