By His Grace

Easter approaches.
with the days counted on the calender
each year I watch and wait to observe
the little boxes and little slashes
get moved on down the row 
untill the month is over

and I can move on with the un-remembering
the dreams can rest and sleep  return

the un-acknowleded tracking
of the anniversary of the days our lives unmade

I can stop pretending that this is just a day
and move on with the daily motions of life
and pack away flashbacks the leak in
when the world keeps reminding me
that She left me this day, and flew home with Jesus.

I pray this is the year I can worship and praise
the grace that saved me from fear and anger
the love that forgave me for running
.....but Lord the loss is so heavy.

Last Sunday I thanked you for healing my grief
and plowing my heart towards love and acceptance again
Last year I gave thanks that I could remember in love instead of anger
today I weep to feel that love and hold this loneliness...

my intentions are pure but father this ache is overwhelming.
 this pain has been my undoing for so long
           half my heart has gone but grace rebuilds it
fortify  these cracks with Life and Love...

by grace and mercy my mistakes are forgiven
my guilt removed that I can remember in love not pain
         
the self remorse for living
      and anger of her dying
you take it all Father and remake us in your grace
lifting us from your cross to heaven
......but I miss her Lord 
and these tears are etched in your holy day
I can not celebrate in  pain.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2014

Poem

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