By accident

Poet's Notes

(Show)

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like David Kavanagh .

By accident contest
Sponsored by Kai Michael Neumann
06/10/25 HMS

As if by accident a fellow died an arrest denied did he fry on purpose no one cared no one ran in all kept silent, as if tongue tied one body burning, sheeting on fire a whore lit a smoke he got lost inside

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Lin Lane

Date: 6/10/2025 4:20:00 AM

You've done such an excellent job of setting the scene that I could see it all take place except for who, what, where and why the fellow died. It's an Etheree that reads like a script writer's notes... laying out the most important scenes for a movie, and you did it in rhyme! I'd watch it to see her go down in flames. A titch harsh of me? Perhaps.

David Kavanagh
Date: 6/10/2025 5:40:00 AM

Thanks for your thoughtful comment Lin, I wanted to capture a fragmented, moment leaving the details vague on purpose and try create that disoriented feeling, I like your (script writer’s notes) idea it fits perfectly. And maybe the sequel will show her going down in flames! ;) cheers David

Di11y Da11y

Date: 6/10/2025 3:14:00 AM

I've read this about 4 times now, which makes me ponder the tendancy to look away from unpleasant moments. However, also to sit with which moment within those you portray was the moment he disappeared. Distinctly it was well before the cigarette smoke and likely well before entering that room. My only reference point was thinking of the film The Green Mile - so I may be wide of the mark on that one. Exquisite use of language if not subject matter, but thought provoking nonetheless.

Di11y Da11y
Date: 6/10/2025 5:54:00 AM

Ha I put plenty of hours in alongside Columbo, bamboozlement always has it's place ;)

David Kavanagh
Date: 6/10/2025 5:17:00 AM

Haha! Like most things that happen (by accident) they can appear pretty sketchy on first glance, this one was always intended to be ambiguous, I planted enough evidence to bamboozle Miss Marple, she never got a conviction, an open verdict was declared, now you mention the Green mile, I can see how rough justice can be dished out. Cheers David