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But why did my mother faint?

Mangoes, golden and full, their scent~ a whispered promise of mischief. My mother’s eyes, wide as warning bells. "Where did you get these?" Her voice, a blade slicing the air. Silence, a held breath. Five minutes, five hours, an eternity suspended. "Were you alone?" The question, a thread pulled loose, unraveling the fabric of innocence. "No, Mum." The words, a hesitant confession. My classmates, a chorus of laughter, the sky, a vast, yawning expanse. "And the boys?" Her voice, a slow-burning fire. "Laughing, Mum." The sound, a distant echo, a memory already fading. "Do you know why they laughed?" The question, a stone cast into still water, rippling the surface of understanding. Underpants. The word, a whispered secret, a shame that clings like a shadow. Two weeks later— more mangoes, more sweetness, cupped in my hands. My mother’s stare, a mixture of expectation and dread. "Who climbed this time?" The question, a challenge, a test of courage. "I did." The words, a bold declaration. Her fury, a gathering storm. "But I was smarter this time," I said. The words, a hesitant boast. "I took off my underpants before climbing." The silence, a held breath. And then, she fainted. Contest: Open Poetry 11 Contest Judged: 3/9/2025 8:44:00 AM Sponsored by: Charlotte Puddifoot Placement: 3rd

Copyright © | Year Posted 2025




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Date: 3/10/2025 12:18:00 PM
Dear Maclawrence, your use of imagery and metaphor is vivid, captivating and impactful. A gentle humor peeks through the mood of this poem like blue skies behind the joining edges of a "gathering storm". In the end we know the dark storm will pass. Your last line is a grand finale to a wonderful piece. Congratulations for your success in Charlotte's contest. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan
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Maclawrence Famuyiwa
Date: 3/10/2025 7:46:00 PM
Thanks for your encouraging remark and your expression on why you like this my poem. I also thank you for your congratulatory message. God bless.
Date: 3/9/2025 10:18:00 AM
NOOOO LMAO- I am such a simp for this kind of humor. Right up my alley and so unique. Very well deserved win.
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Maclawrence Famuyiwa
Date: 3/9/2025 12:12:00 PM
Thanks.
Date: 3/9/2025 10:15:00 AM
Nice win in Charlotte's contest with this quirky write. Nice ta meet ya
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Maclawrence Famuyiwa
Date: 3/9/2025 12:13:00 PM
Thanks. Much more delighted in meeting you.
Date: 3/9/2025 9:17:00 AM
"and then, she fainted" lol i'm sure she did..i had initially discarded this one, but read it again and thought "this is great!" some really effective lines such as "mother's eyes, wide as warning bells" and "her voice, a slow-burning fire; it has irony, quirkiness, and doesn't take itself too seriously - congrats on your win in my contest!
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Maclawrence Famuyiwa
Date: 3/9/2025 12:14:00 PM
Thanks for your nice comment and the honour of the win.

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