But Especially East Lansing

BUT ESPECIALLY EAST LANSING Cell phone with a woodywoodpecker ringtone; Russian style of guitar-playing with strummed beats; Regina-Saskatoon red-eye with “collapsible” seats; Getting a ticket for 2 minutes in a Lansing no-parking zone. Disco guys old enough to be your grandfather With shaved heads and tattoos and a heavy gold chain, Driving Fiat 500 s in Lansing and trying to pretend in vain That they’re only old enough to be your father. Cups of tea made anywhere inside continental USA. Expensive marque wine which if eyes close Tastes same as Lansing Wallmart El Grande Wino (5 gallon dose). Cups of black coffee made anywhere outside continental USA. Making the same mistake twice, usually with women; Guys upwind of me spitting in the street in Lansing - ugh way to go! Insomno-listening to the all-night DJ s on CKCK radio; Seeing next-door’s cat digging in my garden. Alarm clocks which lose time in the morning. Apple pie made with cloves ”for flavor” (barf me out). People not understanding foreign tongue and starting to shout. Glasgow, Detroit, Akron, Gateshead, but especially East Lansing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Entered in Nancy Jones’s Contest “Things that suck”