Broken

Why? Why?
do you always mess with my head 
always screwing me around and making me scared 

Why do you put on a act and pretend your all sweet 
and then turn around and start screaming 
like its all normal 

Im frightened 
Im worried 
of what youve done to me 
and of what you will do 

I dont know who you are 
I never have and never will 

Will you hurt me again 
and leave me in throbbing pain 

Will i be able to pick myself up again from your mistakes 
and feel so much more heartache 

You destroyed my soul 
you killed me 
made me so weak 
and lost 

You didnt care to think of how i was 
You just hurt me 
bruised me 
and crushed me 

I felt so alone
and scared of being me 
like i always had to try to be someone 
other than this 

I tried to impress you 
please you and love you 
But all i got was beatings and bruises 

I cried so many tears 
and i felt so useless
worthless 
and ugly 

All those lies you drilled into my head 
made me so insecure and broken 
You never thought of how i was coping 

I looked to you constantly for guidance 
but you always put me down 
and made sure that i knew that i was worth nothing

That i had no future or hope 
that my dreams were nothing 
and that i would never succeed 

You neglected me 
from food, from peace, from love 
You neglected me from money 
and didnt give me things i needed 

You took away my soul 
and laughed while you were doing it 
You loved taking photos of me crying 
because you received joy out of me suffering 

Feeling so vulnerable and broken 
i wanted someone to understand me 
and stick by me 
someone that would love me and never leave me behind

I needed someone to look after me and stick by me 
and help me to be strong when i was weak 
Everyone around just watched you laugh 
they all saw it happening 
they all saw the suffering 

And there you go again 
destroying my soul 
and then manipulating me 
so that i would forgive you 
the only way you would provide

I was so young 
and you depended on me through it all 
telling me about my mothers secrets 
telling me all these lies 
making me feel sorry for you 
when all i wanted to do was be a kid 

You didnt eat, 
you didnt sleep 
all you did was work 
and expected me to look after you

You didnt care if i starved 
and was sad 
and afraid 
and broken 

You just wanted to be happy with yourself
and enjoy the life you have chosen 

You hurt her so much 
and i just wanted to shoot you
I have to pick up all my broken pieces because you broke me

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Sylvia Coulstock

Date: 10/17/2010 5:05:00 AM

Hi Maree There is so much hurt and pain in your words.I know out of such sadness and emotion,creativity is born as feelings are released but it takes courage to open your heart to others. Yet by sharing not only does it help with the healing process but gives hope to others telling them they are not alone. I think you have a talent for writing and thank you for sharing your gift with all of us your friends at Soup. luv June(Sylvia)