Breathing But Still Dying
His Version of Dying but Still Breathing
You say you never knew it was possible to die but still be able to breathe, I never knew it was possible to breathe but be dead inside after I let your love go away from me
There you sat in that familiar chair that symbolizes the start of us, and seeing you there represents the dying of my heart and the initial rebirth of the first rush
I had no way of knowing that when I told you goodbye that day, that would be the last time that I ever would see your beautiful face
If I only knew the tears that you shed that day all because of me, would reflect the tears you shed the day I walked away unwillingly
Those first tears were tears of longing and missing me knowing there was nothing you could do, and believe me my love I should know, because I cried then for you too
But these tears, the ones that I can hear on the other end of the line, they match mine in synchrony your heart breaking with mine
And I know in that moment your heart stopped it’s beat, because mine did too over me having to leave
And I know that you had hope that someday I would return, but my love this is my lesson not yours to learn
I made myself make believe that all would work out in the end, but once I faced the reality of my situation, I knew I could no longer pretend
I knew I wasn’t strong enough to fight the demons in my head, the ones that persisted time and again that what I wanted I couldn’t have
They haunted me, showing me the fantasy that I dreamed could be, and I came so close to having it all but then reality shattered me
You’re right, what we shared was nothing more than a precious moment in time, but it will transcend in my memory until the end of my life
You knew of the other obligations in my life, the ones that were there before, and you wouldn’t let me abandon them and run away with you because your heart was so very pure
So many nights I was haunted by the distance, the vision of your beautiful eyes, and I just couldn’t bear the pain anymore of not having you in my life
I truly believed then that I was being driven mad, being shown my forever and then having it ripped from my hands
I knew that you would forever long for me as I for you, but here I am still breathing but dying inside because of the truth
I long to feel your touch, the softness of your skin against mine, I long to hear your voice calling out to me if only in my mind
I long for your embrace, I long to reach out and feel you in my arms, I long for the beauty of your face
You were so selfless, so loving, so true, you let me go because you didn’t want me to hurt anymore over the decision I had to make, that would in the end hurt you
You sacrificed your own heart for the sake of mine, because you knew that I was hurting too and your soul, oh your soul for me it did shine
You loved yourself, but you loved me even more, and you proved this time and again and then in the breaking of your heart for my happiness, you proved it by giving me so much more
Just so that I could live out the life that I never had, the one where I could be present for the one who needed me, so that I could give all that I have
You truly loved me, this for certain I do know, you showed me through your sacrifice and how you selflessly walked away with your heart still intact clinging on with all you had to your beautiful soul
You wanted to see me happy although you knew I was happy with you, but the kind of happiness that my soul ached for you knew that was something that only another could ever do
So, you set me free and let my arms be open to someone else, a person that needed them so much more, I guess the little boy that looking into his eyes I seen the broken version of myself
I know it crushed your soul, I know it caused you so much pain, but please know that I would give anything if I could have stayed
So, my love I can honestly say to you that I know how it feels to breathe but still be dying inside, because now that I am no longer with you in my heart it feels like there is no life inside
A part of my soul was taken from me just as yours was taken from you, and although I can breathe just know that my heart is dead within, still broken over losing you.
Copyright © Amanda Kinzer | Year Posted 2022
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.
Please
Login
to post a comment